Phnom Penh Confidential

Post-New Year Wednesday

2010-04-22T03:23:00.008+07:00

Wednesday night in the big city. Wanted to stay in and detox but that never happens. Besides, DiverD's last night in town for a while.

Japanese at Yamato? Cool. Baked out and hopped on a moto. Blitzed. Floated through the door and damn near face planted into a carp pool. Cool. Nobody saw it.

Diver and his significant sitting poolside. Nice place. A long sushi bar, a yakitori grill, and teppanyaki tables. Private rooms in the back. The carp pool a nice touch. Good feed, too. Sushi and sashimi a win and some pretty cute waitresses. A feast to remember. Mainly because the bill for 3 people came to $134.

But to be fair, we could have gone easy instead of kicking into medieval banquet mode. But that's not why you meet people for Jap food. Either way,

Next time Suzume.

10:30pm. Only ones left. Tired, angry looking staff wanted us out. I commiserate. Besides, 2 1/2 bottles of sake in us and then some. Should call it a night but...it's only 10:30.

Sharky Bar:
Sharky's good lately. Chicks on the post-New Year $$ hunt. Time to pay for all that New Year gambling and drinking their boyfriends, husbands, brothers got into. A pretty full house. Some new faces on the prowl and the boys all out on the town. All thinking the same thing. Hours of talk, drink, flirt.

2am:
Zeppelin called. The staff recovering from the night before. Plied them with monster B-52s all night. They drank until they group-puked behind the bar. 3am - Good tunes. Drunken banter and cheap booze. Teeth sauntered by. Thinking home. But the devil on my shoulder...

3:15am
Someone said the Heart was full of action. I wondered....Doubting. Hate the Heart. Denizen of queers, African scammers, and tourists without imagination...And Dredge's decided it's his favorite late night pull-party. Publisher jumped on the bandwagon....

People raving about the renovations they made. "It's changed....better than before," Publisher assured, "Security is cool now." I Headed to the pat-down. Junior Hitler at the door grabbed my dick, squeezed my pockets and grabbed the rig in my back pocket. Hands on hips, he heroically declared:

"You Cannot Use Drug in My Bar!! Cannot Be Bring Illegal Drug into Heart Da'kness!!"

I thought about a response. Like, "...Your bar is packed with Nigerian coke dealers and meth-addled weirdos.." but... Why argue? Many reasons not to spend my hard-earned cashish here. Douchebag security guard is just one more.

A lot to be said about the Heart and the people who love it, but the photo sums-up the place up better than anything I can write:

Take that MutherFucker*

Oh yeah -

Happy New Year!

*(and if this isn't angry enough for you, dig her)

2010-04-04T18:48:00.001+07:00

NIGGA-HOT
CLAM
NIGGA-HOT
DESALINATE

2010-03-06T18:17:00.000+07:00

Tourist season is over but brown legs, high heels and white shorts always works for me.

In Case There Ever Was Any Doubt

2010-02-12T09:16:00.004+07:00

Jump n on the op

2010-01-13T03:55:00.002+07:00

Fuckn a, first post of the new year. What are we at? like the 15th or something? M still good, but still thins out early. Talent around town not like past years at this time. I guess killing time under the house in the province on a bamboo platform beats doing tourist trash. Missing the hunt lately as I have acquired more numbers than days of the week, and it has been easier just to make that bootie call between venues. Phone ringging now, gotta go.

A Year in Review

2009-12-23T13:56:00.013+07:00

Today I decided to find out where Skype keeps its chat history. I found it; a collection of compressed files but containing some readable text. A few idle comments in no particular order:

Actually shouldn't talk about organ donors that way

boy, Al and Jon were rice burner geeks last night!

C'mon guys, they are just nice people trying to do something good for a charge, I mean change

except some people have more than one

He said the Chinese Khmei guy has 2

Flowers or chocolates? Or is it gold? I'm a bit out of practice

I just came from the doctor

Which antibiotics?

Sent you a file. Watch the tears

Maybe I should call my guy

Pocketdean

Maybe that's all they need to do, just expand

Want to get her a vinyl french maid's costume, but maybe too early for that

It's coming today, I can smell!!

Ya, but probably would have better things to do if you were there

Just infected, now have antibiotic pills and cream

Please! I have just eaten

Are they actually twins? Looks like it

That's how he keeps his girlish figure

If I get a flat I'm making D---- change the tire

very few rules in the bush. just rules of biology and physics

easy meal last night, and all stayed where it should

thats what I want to force today

correct, but the US is nuts

power back?

hmmm. let me see what's up with the troops

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_alcohol_content

tonite have power

yeah, but grab a couple a maga rita's and it won't matter

it's like polyspace analysis

but I will fix it in time for the unscrewing!!!

or grab a couple London Lawyers and get yourself a good rogering

I'll zip it up and email it to you

still cleaning it up but better than before

I am never listening to D--- B----- again

all girls at my house

sale pending on waiving of conditions
Sell your old one back for $15

so, back to the grind.

with fines start at BAC levels of 0.25 I'm not too worried

could I bring a mem stick to grb some pix?

And my personal favorite:

there is no paradise anywhere without any "mistakes" *

F*ck all y'all... Have a happy and prosperous 2010!!!

* TM

Today on Thai Visa

2009-12-16T17:39:00.001+07:00

Thaivisa.com reported today that a new cable from Asia to the USA to increase bandwidth is in operation today. Now you will get the lack of posting on this site much quicker.

2009-12-07T21:37:00.000+07:00

Multitasking-being able to cut nails, and massage while watching Tom and Jerry.

Even better

2009-11-14T03:51:00.002+07:00

What's better than Astroglide and A Tramp Stamp? Astroglide and Two Tramp Stamps. While PNH wasted their time Partying yours truly was busy. For what Eden Club Soi 7/1 Bkk charges,
PNH delivers for 1/3rd or less. I wonder why I don't partake more often. Let that be a lesson to me.

2009-11-11T20:32:00.000+07:00

Astroglide and Tramp Stamps. A winning combo.

New and Improved!

2009-10-28T07:06:00.004+07:00

The long-awaited resurrection of a legend happened on Monday, October 19, when the NEW and IMPROVED California 2 opened its doors.

In this case N&I is no load of crap. Jim has really put alot of effort into designing this place as he wanted it - with a lot of supervision by new manager Larry!

Many of the usual and unusual suspects attended the grand opening and the place is so much bigger than before that it was still only 75% of capacity at the busiest time. It's wider and much longer and very well decorated - one could be excused for thinking that the regulars would be priced out. But Jim assures me that he still appreciates the locals and will ensure that they are well-taken care of.

He certainly demonstrated that with the party tradition of free-flowing margaritas. If you don't stop by for anything else, drop in to have a look at the staff - there's some lookers there and I'm quite sure that it wasn't just the alcohol talking (and I told myself I wasn't going to share that data with anyone else). Not only that but its got a/c, a pool table, and is open 24 hours, so drop in any time.

At the time, the rooms and kitchen were not open, but by now, they should be. The same detail has been paid to the rooms.

The new location is still on the riverfront but now just a little north of Street 102. It should be an even better Fort Apache (safe haven) from the insanity of Om Tuk since it is no longer directly in the heart of things and access should be much better. Not sure if they'll be utilizing it but there is a great race-viewing area up on the 3rd floor.

Details and photos: http://www.cafecaliforniaphnompenh.com/

OM TUK

Speaking of Bon Om Tuk, if you're crazy enough to stick around for it or catch a glimpse of it on the tube, be on the look out for our own Ubercon "Angkoring" down a barang boat (he should banned from the blog just for that act alone!). Don't know what the infamous UC looks like? Just look for a boat postured much the same as this one.

Stay-On to Stay Up?

2009-10-27T07:36:00.002+07:00

Recently depleted the supply of Royal-D so took a trip to the pharmacy across the street to replenish. Having recently run out of my One-A-Day For Men multi-vitamins, I decided to see if they had a cheaper alternative.

Ordered the Royal-D and showed the vitamin bottle to the pharmacist. He brought out a bottle of something called Vitrum from Aus. Looked good enough.

When I asked if these were vitamins for man, a school-boy giggle came across him and he reached under the counter to the sildenafil citrate section, pulled out a box with the name Stay-On, and put it on the counter.

"This is for man?" I asked. "You can read the box," was his reply.

The box really only spoke about enhancing performance and exercise, but by his embarrassment, I could figure things out.

"Oh no," I replied, "I mean for old man like me." Needless to say, this only confirmed his suspicion of my needs.

I had another look at the bottle of Vitrum and told him that this and the Royal-D would be all that I would need. "$13.50," he told me.

I was now curious as hell and took another look at the Stay-On. Scanned hard for further description but found nothing more. "How much is this?" I asked. "Oh sorry, I forget the price."

Now I've been coming to this guy for my health needs for quite some time and he is really quite knowledgeable. There is no way in hell that he didn't know the price.

I once again inquired as to what it was and he once again told me to read the box. He did go on to say that it was BETTER than Kamagra, and that you took it each day just like a vitamin.

The charade had me flustered and I left it there to be researched later on the internet. But I can't find a thing. Anybody know anything about this stuff? Will it do just as my trusty little Chemist says!

Sticks and Stones

2009-10-18T19:48:00.008+07:00

The C-word:

Anyone reading the Cambodia Daily this weekend may have been surprised partway through the "Being Ricky Gervais" article where writer Stephan Moss of London's "The Guardian" writes:

"Gervais thereafter closed each gig by calling Hislop an 'ugly little pug-faced cunt'."

In north america the 'C-word' when spoken could set off car alarms within a 50 meter radius, outdoing the s-word, the f-word, the z-word and pretty much everything else combined in sheer profanity. Unlike Australia where I've heard it used in at least 3 different forms just in songs at children's birthday parties, the simple utterance of 'Jeez' as a youngster resulted in mom hauling me into the can for a soapy lollypop.

But what was especially interesting was how it made it into The Daily in the first place. WTF happened? Did the censors simply hump the bunk and miss it, or is its use actually permissable in Cambodian culture? Without drawing parallels between the matriarchy of certain families and the unflattering phrase above, perhaps we can just conclude that it's indeed acceptable. Or maybe not, but at least I have a new sign off for emails to ex-girlfriends.

Market Opportunity?

It's Saturday night around midnight and your mixed-gender bag of respectable friends are looking for somewhere white chick friendly to have a drink and check departing morning flights online. The usual names pop up: FCC, Quiche Eater, Metro... but they are either closed, or their WiFi is turned off (Metro as it turns out, turns theirs off at 7:30 pm).

Eventually managed a drink and some pretty good food at Riverside, but not before being offered the best quality mary jane, bolivian marching powder, opium and smack from a well scrubbed hussling motodop outside FCC.

Not wanting to strike an unflattering pose on the front cover of monday's Rasmei Kampuchea I asked my new dealer buddy if he noticed the backpack I wasn't wearing before stumbling off to get more drunk.

I guess with alot of these establishments being quite big and empty at the wee hour of 11:00 pm, the market is probably already saturated. TINS (This is not Saigon).

Where can I get one?

2009-10-12T19:50:00.002+07:00

Pic quality not great but what a great t-shirt!

Worth a mention

2009-10-10T01:16:00.002+07:00

Ironically pulled up the blog tonight and saw bongs post... not broke don't fix it. saw charles in charge today and told him the exact same thing. We'll see.

Mentioned Zorro in a previous post....but left out the whining aussie and the polo shirt french dude that are both notorious for ordering a bottle of water. Cheap Fucks. Almost make the nigerians look good. Might have to set Charles right on that one also.

Driving home at about midnight from the M near 31o and 51 there is a door cracked open and a short fat barang about 45/50 glasses, sandals with socks and jockey shorts only. He is on the phone and has his gate open looking down the street. Setting up an appointment apparently. Should have stopped to see who would have arrived.

Great to see Kiss on Letterman last night.

Couldn't explain the Seinfeld episode to one of my regulars however.... The one where George gets busted by his mom whippin, then Kramer, Jerry and Elaine make a bet as to who can hold out the longest before the hand takes charge. Different worlds we live in.

Again no one hit the Joker. Above 6K now. Brings out the talent.

Feral Cats moved off the landing into an adjacent gutter.

Java and Jackalopes

2009-10-07T22:27:00.015+07:00

California 2 needs to open soon, so people like me who wake up at 4pm on a Sunday have someplace to go for a good, cheap, bottomless cup of coffee. Should have walked over to La Gourmandise Blue behind Lucky Market, but I spaced on the idea.*

Prepped to the gills and hopped on a moto.

Huxley:
Good place. Good coffee. Today - bar full of people I didn't know - listening to music I don't like. Upstairs - full of people I don't know - watching a soccer game. Dang. One and out. ($1.75, I think) Noted: They now have some UK newspapers on the rack for your perusal via that operation that gets the feed by satellite and prints them out.

No idea where to go...

Lone Star:
Say one thing about the place - they have a decent, bottomless cup of coffee on hand for the weary (and the stoned.) They also have an arcade-style golf game near the entrance. Not sure how much a round will run you, but people seemed to be enjoying it. ChiBrick, Walker, and Gregg hanging out, yapping:

Africans: Is the clothes shop next door a front? Or just some misunderstood small businessmen having a go at the market like the rest of us? The lack of store traffic doesn't seem to bother them much.

ChiBrick back from Pattaya, the land of the naked dancer who appears from nowhere to write things using a marker wedged inside her for 100 baht, or so. Your name? Your company? Your school? ChiBrick, pretty quick. Asked for,"STAY IN SCHOOL." Nice.

Something for the kids.

Walker at the bar. Tales of wine, women, and warts: Displaying them to an amazed crowd at a friend's wedding...Burning them off with a painful acid solution. (Took them out in a hurry - along with 3 layers of skin.) I gotta hang out with Walker more often. It's always good.

American flag-inspired thong hanging from the antlers of a jackalope mounted above the bar. Good look.

KFC:
Compliments to the Colonel. Ordered a 5 pc ($5.50) Asked for all legs if they could swing it. They could, but I'd have to wait 5 or 10 mins. Cool. Out of nowhere, they hit me with a Coke, gratis. Saying, "Sorry for the wait." Nice. Wouldn't get that at Van's or Malis or Metro - but yeah - KFC. Right on, Colonel.

And a disturbing text message from Dregde, tonight: Martini's put red lights in the disco.....Terrible.

It ain't broke. Don't fix it.

*Dude may be running an Al-Queida front, but man - good java and very good baked goods.

Nothing of real interest.

2009-10-07T20:46:00.005+07:00

Well Bong isn't the only one with Feral Cats .... the one that shits in my walkway, just created more shit machines and have taken up residence on my landing. I think when they first appeared there were five but now there are 3. I wonder how long it will be before one of these young starts inbreeding with mom.

Other news... Zorro is back in town. (the Italian in the colored silk vest and shirts) He carried an empty can of Angkor around Martinis for over an hour sussing out the talent.

Word of warning and normally I take this with a grain of salt, but have heard two recent reports of bill padding at Rose Bar. I haven't had issues there, but I met a guy in Walkabout who was prepared to spend a lot in there, but when he found he was being scammed he split. Another report came in to the tune of 250 bucks for 3 dinners and a few rounds of ladies drinks. Doing the math, that 's a shitload of ladies drinks regardless of how stupid drunk you are. Ouch! Buyer beware.

Great Northwest

2009-10-05T14:23:00.007+07:00

Battambang:
Very chill little city. Wooden-shutters on old French colonial buildings, traditional Khmer houses, Thai-style temples...And they haven't replaced everything with crap plastic and tinfoil-looking facades. Not yet. Yeah, they have billboards and a bit more traffic than I remember but the place still has character.

Let's hope they don't fuck it up.*

Sleepless:
On a recommendation, I checked into the new Seng Hout Hotel. Nice place, nice staff, good location. $15 a night for A/C, cable, fridge, hot water, clean rooms...

But the mattress - hard as a fucking rock. Dead tired when I checked in, hoping to get some sacktime before a meeting. Spent 4 angry hours trying to get comfortable, cursing the asshole that thought these beds were a good idea. Enough. Got up - back hurting, evil mood - and went looking for a new place to stay.

"But sir, this one new. Very good." :
A zombie traipsing through downtown Battambang. Same story everywhere I went. City is full of nice $15 rooms - The Lux, and some others - but they all had the same back-busting mattresses. Must have gotten a deal from the same supplier. May he burn in hell.

Sleep:
Wound up at the Star Hotel near a bus station. $15 and a mattress that let me get some shut eye. The WiFi was slow as shit but the staff was pretty cool. Anyway, if you like a FIRM bed, you are in luck, but if you don't like sleeping on a slab of wood, keep all this in mind.

Enough of My Whining:
Didn't bother hitting the bars in town. I did hop on a moto for nighttime cruises through the ville. A lot of Khmer clubs around. Neon-lit, chicks out front. Some action out behind the Teo Hotel. If you know where you are going , you can have a good time up there.

Etc..:
The BBQ chicken at the market didn't make me sick and the White Rose Restaurant - still a win. Didn't see anything north of $2.50 on the menu, and they stay open til 10. (And they have diet coke - 3000r.) While I was there, the town was gearing up for some pre-Water Festival boat racing. Festive happenings along the river. Kids rides, music, and carnival games. Rows of fat balloons - 1000r a dart. All you had to do was hit one and pop it.

Best carny game ever. I came away with all sorts of shit. Photo frames, a plastic bow-arrow set, a coffee mug... Housekeeper at my hotel scored some of the loot. I laid the stuffed rabbit on a glue-sniffing kid. Made his day. The act of kindness left him speechless. Or maybe his brain is gone. Whatever. It was a good night. I like Battambang.

More info you didn't ask for:
Taxi (the whole car) PNH-BTTMBG cost me $35 / The guy on the return trip wanted $40 (We made stops in Pursat and Kampong Channang.)

Noted on Highway 5:

1 crane sitting halfway through the newly constructed wall it had just smashed.
1 dead-looking dude sprawled face-down on the pavement; a worried old woman hovering over him.
1 completely overturned pickup loaded with logs and a dinged-up mini-bus. Gawkers delight.
1 vivid set of skid marks leading straight into a ditch.

*And a hearty FUCK YOU to Attwood Group for that ugly space station inspired building they put up. Soulless pricks.

This Comparison...

2009-09-28T15:21:00.006+07:00

...makes its own gravy.

Launch

2009-09-26T20:56:00.010+07:00

Friday rolled in with nothing special in-store. Biff offered a free invite to the Label 5 Whiskey Product Launch at the Naga Casino. Free whiskey and maybe some cool promo swag to take home. I hate casinos but it's bad luck to say, "No."

Naga Casino, 6pm-ish:
They told me I needed to get here at 6 for the "press event." Maybe I was the only one they told. An upstairs ballroom was decked out to the hilt. Impressive. First World quality setup. Stage, big screens, light show and fog machine - they had bands, dancers, and a 3-course meal featuring dishes all cooked with whiskey-sauce or a whiskey glaze or something like that. Damn. Hungry - but if it isn't beer-battered shrimp, keep booze out of my food. (The Khmers weren't too impressed either.)

The press event consisted of sexy model/dancers posing for photos with grinning (nervous or horny?) KH journalists and sponsors in front of a big Label 5 Whiskey sign. For whatever reason they had a few of those guys that spray paint themselves all over and stand still - "Living Statues." And mimes. Cambodian mimes. Funny shit. Watching mimes go up to Khmers, trying to clown around and get some sort of interactive response. What they got was embarrassed looks, and deliberate "Get the fuck out of here" stares from bodyguards who seemed to be all over the place. 15 mins after they'd released the mimes, you had 4 pissed-off looking Cambodian mimes hanging at the edge of the crowd trying to avoid contact with anyone.

Best mimes ever.

But really - who the fuck planned this thing? The French importers and event people (styling in $1000 suits...the only ones in suits) looked pleased. What were they looking at? Whatever. I'm not eating anything on that menu and the take-away swag looked pretty lame. Time to compensate myself with free booze. Started chasing the chicks with the drinks trays. One of the corporate people saw me and started over to make party-talk. We made eye contact, smiled at each other and then she watched me slam a whiskey on the rocks. Corporate people did a quick 180 - straight into a sulking mime - and didn't look my way the rest of the night.

By 7:30 I realized why there was so much security. They'd invited all sorts of cops, military, government guys - and their idiot nephews. They all brought goons. Well done Label 5. You got a room full of BIG SWINGING DICKS and their attitudinal security, and now you're gonna ply them with free whiskey all night?

I wanted to stay.

But 5 drinks on an empty stomach (in less than 1.5 hours.) Needed to boogie. Important to get some crash out time before Friday night (proper) begins.

But hey - good luck to anyone willing to invest in Cambodia. Maybe it'll be a hit. And hey - thanks much for the free booze and the sad-ass mimes**

*Not a whiskey expert but it tastes like Johnny Walker Red
** Best mimes ever.

Constitution Day

2009-09-24T17:11:00.014+07:00

StarWorld and CNN cured me of the notion that I'd be able to stay in Wednesday night. I blame them. Besides, Thursday a holiday, and it's bad karma to waste a "Bonus Friday night." So,...out the door.

Sharky Bar:
Stopped in to meet a friend. He pulled a no-show but no harm done. Decent crowd for a weeknight. Jim and Andy keeping things moving. I got to work on finding a Personal Assistant for a trip up north. SisterSly looking good. Haven't seen her in a while. Thing is - she's sly. But tres sexy in black. Ordered her a beer. She sat down next to me and we did the overlapping leg-thing.

LoneStar back in town. 6 weeks in a TX oil field enough for now. So - check out the Lone Star Bar (near the Flamingos Hotel) if you want to say hello.We hit the balcony and talked about...nothing that I can remember. That's the problem with balcony talk.
LA Educator also in town - taking a break from the "classrooms"of South Central Los Angeles. So - how is the education system doing under the "No Child Left Behind" policy? The question set him to drinking. It sucks to care. 10th graders reading at a 4th grade level. Can't be bothered to learn their own language, but they can find time to score $200 basketball shoes. LA....Maybe we can have another war with Mexico. This time the loser gets LA and its Dick & Jane-reading 10th graders.
ChillGandhi showed up with 5 cuties from some hostess bar and a Very LARGE, Very DRUNK Kiwi who was having trouble stabilizing. They took a table on the stage to try and keep him away from the crowd at the bar. Good thinking. And a bonus for the community: he got up to take a piss, stepped off the stage and dropped face-first to the floor with a THUD. Judges score - 9.0. (His routine contained all the elements I look for....I applaud his effort.)
RadioDave and the Turk blew in from out of nowhere. Didn't even know they were in town. Laid a 4GB flash with some kick-ass (and very hard to find over here) soul, funk, and Fat Possum blues. A thousand thanks bro.

We shot the shit for a while. SlySister downed another beer and told me to stay put. She had to run out and get something from her room. (Or something like that...) OK. Fine. "You stay here. I come back." I'll be here. "SURE?" Yeah, cool. LegSister2 sidled-up and schooled me. Some tourist made a deal with her while I was on the balcony. She was going to blow out early on an LT with him and come back and score me for round 2. Sly Sister, Sly.

It happens...and cheers to LegSister2 for cluing me in. They don't usually do that. Worth a whiskey-coke (or 2).

Publisher headed to Bunny Bar and scored a super star. A tall, athletic-looking Sophie's alum - that place was an academy. BRING IT BACK!* CoolPaul and I talked wedding plans (his.) Hey man, let us know when you want the bachelor party - or would you prefer a wake? To Zep.

Zeppelin:
Outside table. Rats playing rugby with the trash pile. Talking about shit. A California coke dealer who pleaded for his life standing in a trash compactor. (He came up with the money.) US tax laws....and yeah, people still talking about Crash (the one who drove into the Walkabout ) Some say she ponied up $25K to make it go away. The papers say she's still inside waiting to go to court. No idea who's right. Don't really care.

LadyBoy snared a drunk dude** at Heart. SALE!! He made his way down 51, trophy in-hand, flashing grins to the street gallery - chicks, moto-dudes, expats...Have to say, I was rooting for him. Alas - drunk dude decides he wants to have a quick "one for the road"at Walk.

DOH!!

LadyBoy can't let that happen. His cover will be blown. He went into a CodeRed - arm pulling, tearful pleas, begging him to just get back to the hotel. As soon as the dude entered Walk, LadyBoy knew the sale was lost. Crestfallen, he sulked away - to the Heart. "....Try and try again..."

SexyBeast walked up from the shadows, sat on my lap (damn near crushing a nut.) She made me an offer I couldn't refuse. But the night wasn't over for everyone...

Walkabout 5:45am (or so...):
Two douchebags at the bar arguing over a woman. GO BACK TO PATTAYA. Skinhead Brit and Irishman head-to-head, angry words. A light bulb above the Irishman's head lit up. He grabbed a heavy Angkor mug and smashed it straight into the skinhead's ...skin head. BLOOD splatter and pandemonium.

They took it into the street - rolling around on the pavement while keystone cops whacked at them with underpowered tazers (ZERO effect.) Irish dude had the presence of mind to keep the mug with him and as the cops tried to break-up this EMBARRASSMENT TO WHITE MEN EVERYWHERE - a flailing arm smacked one of them in the face. Now the cop's bleeding like a stuck pig; swinging a tazer that doesn't work...He went for his gun, fumbled it and dropped it on the ground. Perfect.

Seemed the sad situation couldn't get any sadder, when some fat-ass bald Brit jumped in. And no. He didn't know any of the combatants - just wanted show the world what a dick he is.

Mission accomplished.

Cops started slamming him with those shit tasers and he's laughing his ass off, "This is lovely, do it again!"(So maybe that's his thing...)

A Happy Ending:
15 mins or so later - the two brawlers had taken off home. Girls in the bar wiped the blood splatter off themselves in the bathroom and FatBaldDouche was the one they hauled off to jail. Happy Constitution Day, pal.

And if I had grand kids, I might tell them something like this.

"See that guy? DON'T BE THAT GUY."

* If only for the ambiance.
** Or maybe he was just acting drunk

Making the Community a Better Place

2009-09-23T19:22:00.010+07:00

The Pchum Ben mellow lingers. People still in holiday mode. Maybe it's just me. Or maybe it's because we come back to work on a Tuesday and have another holiday Thursday. (Cambodia has its strengths.) But work gets done.

Just in Time for Christmas:
The feminine wash seems to be selling all right. Time to get men clean. Masculine wash ready for market. The red label contains a Viagra-like stimulant. And yeah - a lot of dirty fuckers in this town.* IceHounds go for days without a shower. Others are just plain dirty - they need all the help they can get. You all know who you are - so, spend $1 on a bottle and help a sister out.** It's good for the community.

The Blue Cat:
Near Reggae Bar. I rarely go to this area, but what they fuck? Time to expand horizons. Have to say - it's a nice place. Good decor, very comfortable couch seating, wifi (if you must) and a new pool table. Big TVs on the wall...and a full bar. What else can I say? They didn't fuck-up my vodka soda and the waitresses are pretty cute, too.

So if you're taking out clients or need a "nice girl" date venue, have a look. Didn't pick up the check, so I'm not sure how much the drinks will set you back - probably nothing outrageous. Note: The pizza and lasagna kinda sucked. Give the food a pass. And when you're done....

Garage Bar:
Look for the sign with a big banana on it. Not sure what the banana is all about, but it's distinctive. You won't miss it. Ordered a vodka soda ($2.50) and settled in. Owner digs music and has eclectic tastes. A good thing. The music was all over the place but a pretty nice ride. Dylan, Sabbath, and even some soul by William Shatner (yeah, TJ Hooker's got shtick) Issac Hayes was making everyone chill when I left.

A hearty thanks to the long-haired dude for buying everyone a round - whether he knew them or not. Good man. Good crowd. A good bar attracts them. And thanks to the owner for that stiff shot of Muscle Wine - Cambodian ripple. It went down nice - and stayed there. I should write a review.

Cockwash, bum wine and William Shatner on the stereo...Tuesday night in the big city.

Walkabout 3am:
SilkSister back in town. Sexy as ever. Hard to resist. Told me the warts were gone. "No Problem." I believed her. Problem. The place was littered with them....

It pays to check.

Raffles Clinic 3pm (Following day):
$28 got her a consultation, some pills and a tube of cream.

I can do that much for the community.

Better than CNN: A TV Reporter I Can Dig:

*To be fair, these products are for people who need a milder soap for "down there."
**Product launch party coming soon - should be a good one. More details as they become available.

Recession-Proof Industry?

2009-09-22T00:23:00.016+07:00

Pchm Ben money on-tap. Recession beaters in Kampong Cham. Dudes decide to rob a gold vendor with grenades. They got $250 and whatever gold not scattered in the explosion.

Started with a bang but by Sunday the Pchm Ben wind-down in effect. Bars, shops, stores re-opening. City slowly coming back to life. Thankfully, most of the traffic is still away. Not only locals who headed out of town. Ubercon and his SpanishFly took new found love east to the Land of the...whatever, Vietnam. Others headed for BKK or the Philippines. A healthy balance of poverty and sloth ensures I never go anywhere.

But the new Cali2 not open for another few weeks, at least. What to do?

Lucky Market:
I Spend too much money here. 290 pts on my Lucky Market Customer Card. Not sure what I get for that? Depressed, mainly. But knowing KH promos - it's probably something like 2000r off my next purchase over $50. But Lucky can be a good place to people watch...

Like the Chinese dude trying to work up courage to buy Okomoto's in the midst of a Lucky rush hour. Myriad of colors, textures, flavors, promised sensations ...not helping him . His lingering not helping either. Staff hawking him. Thinking he was going to pocket a box. Khmers not helping either. Gawking. Grinning. Good fun. Dude. It's not Singapore. You want rubbers. Be a man. Grab a box and take it to the register. Because - He who hesitates, gets clowned. But really, what's a $3 box of Okamoto's got on a .30 pack of OKs (with lube)?
Khmer lady going down a line of spaghetti sauces - screwing open jars, sniffing, wincing, putting them back on the shelf. Smiling stockboy looking on.
People from the hinterlands making slow rounds. Checking out the barang food. Picking up cans and bottles and boxes of shit, passing it around, putting it back. And buying a pack of the same dried squid they can get at their local place for .10 cheaper...But hey, no judgments. I did the same thing at Asian markets when I was back home.
Douchebag Indian dude laying-into a hapless checkout girl about the injustice of the Lucky Card. It's a scam. A rip-off. The Fucker kept at it, "Absolutely, a waste of time and..." And....SHUT THE FUCK UP, MAN! She doesn't care. She isn't listening. There are people in line behind you.....Dick.

Anise:
WifiLeeching NGO chick staked an outside table, plugged in her Dell and ordered a $1 pot of tea. Settled in for a 4 hr surf. She'd been warned. BrklynJerry on the scene. Large and in - charge. Not giving up an outside table that seats 4 DINERS. Asks her to move inside. She says, "No." And back and forth it went til she gave it up. Staff helped her move her rig inside. 15 mns later she's back at the outside table. More debate. " I volunteer for an NGO. !* Do you know who I AM!! I'm not a White Male sex tourist! I am ENTITLED!!"

No sale. Bounced her entitled ass out the door with prejudice and told her not to come back. Had to put RESERVED signs on the outside deck tables to avoid a repeat. So if you go, sit outside and bring the Dell. But order something. Anise - great restaurant, bar, and hotel...But it's not a NetCafe. So Dig it. (And if it's on the menu, get the Amok Ravioli - I'm no gourmand but it's damn good.)

More Soon....

*For a $2000 monthly stipend.

Holiday Weekend

2009-09-19T20:37:00.011+07:00

4-day weekend in the Big City. The lead up to Friday, full of decicions. Manila, Angeles, BKK, Saigon....

Sharky Bar:
Popped in for one. Not much happening. Publisher and the boys back from Pattaya - made a dirty town dirtier. Zeroed in on LegSister1. I dig her. Laid a big bottle of Angkor on her ($3.50, I think) and settled in for a night of people watching. Quiet. All the freaks gone for the holiday?

As if on cue - AssholeO'theNight at the end of the bar declared, "I ain't payin' this shit!" After some deliberation with the the staff, the cops came up from downstairs to tell him he was. He did. And then, predictably, AssholeO'theNight declared he wasn't going to leave. Cops told he was. (With assistance) he did. Hmm...right on time, TweakerBrit* got his laundry-list tab.

He looked at the waitress, looked at the tab, looked into his wallet and with a big grin told her, "I forgot to bring money with me...again." And, as is his custom, promised to come back tomorrow and pay it. Sometimes he does. Gotta give him that. But sometimes he doesn't. They snapped a photo and posted it at the cop booth downstairs. Next time he shows up, search his pockets - look for money. If he has some, let him in.

Turned away from that minor drama to see what LegSister1 was up to. She was sitting on AnnoyingProf's knee. Damn. I dig her...Of all the annoying fucks in this town....Shouldn't think this way....it's wrong - but it'll be awhile before I can go there again without seeing his face. What can I say? I'm very imperfect. A shortcoming I'm willing to accept. Time to deal with the loss.

Martini:
Dude behind the bar hit me up with a triple shot of Vodka. Let the healing begin. (That's worth a $1 tip.) Decent crowd. Dredge and Khmerican at the bar shootin' the shit. Nothing memorable - if I had to guess, maybe something about USC and UCLA... (and for the record, fuck USC - "Only Good Trojan is a Used Trojan.")

To the disco.

Dark. Good ratio. The dj saw me. Green light to start playing the Khmer dance stuff. (If a barang requests it, management won't get pissed off.) Festive music and another vodka and then another. Starting to get LIT. Some dude from outta nowhere grabbed my shoulders and slurred something in my face. Told him, "I'm not Phil."("..get the fuck away from me", implied.) Mortified by his own behavior - he bought me a drink. Nice. A Gentleman. Maori and BaldDan** danced in the door, hit the dance floor, scared away the women and danced back out. Well done. But a good show and, danger gone, the chicks returned.

Bought SuperCute a Baileys and went to schooze with the dj. Dredge laid some old-school disco/funk on him. He graciously agreed to play it. "No Parkin'on the Dance Floor."Disco clear anyway. SuperCute flashing her smile around. Zeroed in on her friend who was busy closing a deal with a bombed Aussie at the bar. She digs a party. So did he. But her friend - not so much. That settled, we boogied to Zepplin.

Zepplin Bar:
Full of French. But so what. Another couple vodkas. Jun put on some Johnny Winter, and we sat outside to watch the scene. Nothing much going on. If anything worthwhile happened, I can't remember it. Laid $4 on SuperCute, and she went off to get some food down on 51. Waited 20 mins - but maybe it was only 10 - maybe only 5... Whatever, bombed. 12 drinks in me and I couldn't get down if my life depended on it. (Well, maybe if my life depended on it.) Time to go home. Pass out. Besides SuperCute not in sleeping mode.

And tomorrow will be another day.

* He's also told me he's Irish. Also told me he'd lived in NYC for 2 years. Next night told me he'd never been to NYC.
**I need to find a better name for him...

December (2008) in Cambodia

2009-09-18T20:42:00.006+07:00

I started this post in December 2008*

Cambodian Christmas:
A heretic buys a $26 4 ft plastic Christmas tree (made in the PRC) complete with lights and decorations from a Khmer and gets carnal with a VC under the glow of the blinking blue lights. Lube made in the USA. Background music from a stereo made in Japan. Anarchists are shitheads. Globalization works. But some people just seek out reasons to get pissed off.

The Thais:
We've all been enjoying the angry shit in Thailand. Assholes to the left - assholes to the right - tourist season 2008-2009...Fucked. Tourism bad even in Pattaya. Bars are responding to the downturn by raising their drink prices to Bangkok levels. Nicely played. The sad trade they are getting is responding. They buy cheap cans of beer on the street, sit outside the bars and listen to the music blaring out the doors...Just like Phnom Penh Africans.

Sharky Bar:
Yes - the prices rose (again.) $2.50 for a vodka. $5.50 for a pitcher of Angkor. (Wasn't it just $4?) Hostess bar prices at the Shark? Hmm....no longer a cheap night out, but the times are still good, and the people are still the right kind of weird.

Happy Birthday:
Saigon's best - The Curtis King Band in town for the 13th (or 14th?) Anniversary Party. Kick ass band but they can be hit and miss....kind of a miss this time around but - still - a great night and they were very cool to follow-up with a freebie Saturday night.

A big fuck you - to the security guards at the Candy Bar for braining one of the guys with a baton. A misunderstanding? Something about a bill (that had actually been paid.) Another reason to avoid the crapfest on St. 136.

Update:

Thais still being dicks. Sharky still not a super cheap night out. Street 136 still a crapfest.

Cambodia still attracting the right kind of weird.

(*I've been busy...)

If I were one of the 3 little pigs....

2009-09-17T16:19:00.006+07:00

and though a step up for Walkabout, I would prefer the safety of the concrete benches and tables. Big Sis's picture hit the local papers today and the story made the Cambodia Daily. Rumor mill said 20K got her out. Local girls dispute that because 20K would have already been spent on land, houses, cows etc.

"for the sake of ppl trying to find anything NEW posted about Cambo, put a bulletin this blogs head, criminy. Obviously y'all are just bored to death with blogging. Posting just pics now? I can only gather Cambo is boring as hell or so exciting no one can bother to turn on their puter to post anything."

Yes Cambo is boring. Yes I would rather be at the computer posting, instead of actually being a participant in life, but there are too many mouths in the provinces to feed (and for the others that blog on this site have livers that require a lot of attention). Xavier Hollander can fill you in on some details I wouldn't be bothered to provide. I guess some can't see how some middle aged blond haired Korean with no rhythm would be news instead of the nightly 3-5 to 1 ratios on the dance floor we take for granted as old news. Khmer 440 does a great job on getting current news out, timely and fast, and more often than not, before the local papers. Usually the first five people contributing to the post actually have something to add that's related to the topic....then it's anyone's guess where the topic goes. www.khmer440.com They have NEW stuff daily.

When Worlds Collide, Who Wins?

2009-09-16T06:11:00.006+07:00

Worlds collide and who wins?....Well, when the world of a Toyota driven by a methed-up (and probably drunk) chick collides with a bunch of motos, a tuk-tuk and the outside tables at Walkabout.... basically, everyone winds up FUCKED.

Like the tuk-tuk driver parked in front of Zeppelin - he might not make it. Or the moto dudes cross-corner from Shanghai - their bikes got done and one of them..he's not doing too well. Neither is the Howie's waitress who got clipped and shipped off to the hospital - not sure how she's doing.

Why:
Apparently, the chick hit the Howie's waitress and, as is the custom, barrel-assed down 51 to get away from the accident. On the way she took out a bunch of motos and did the tuk-tuk guy in front of Zep. No skid marks. Car went straight into the outside tables at Walk- they are trashed. (Thankfully, no one inside was injured.) Zep is un-touched.

The Driver Emerges:
Blonde tweaker and friends crawled out of the smashed VE-HI-CLE - flipping the bird at excited gawkers. Nice. She got class. Made it to the corner before Khmer onlookers grabbed her and hauled her ass to the station down the road.

Not being a general's daughter, I'm thinking she is well and truly fucked.

The Khmer Peanut Gallery Weighs In:
As they hauled her down the street to the cop station, a mini riot erupted for some reason (well...because they're Khmers and they just got to run wild...) So the Khmers started pushing each other and punching each other and that shit went on for a bit. 'Til the brothers got it together - and attacked the car. Smashed windows, kicked the fuck out of the doors. They tossed that car a beating. So the car didn't win either.

Walkabout:
Walkabout probably not a winner...guessing the cops - who showed up 20 mins after the crash will find a way to put some of the blame ($$$) on them for this carnage. But hey, better late than never - Fuzz hit the ground running - showed up and took control of the scene - well, mainly they took control of the motos parked in front of the Walkabout. Put 'em in a pick-up and hauled them off to the station - for questioning, maybe. Wonder how much it'll take to get them out of cop-hock. (Hey, 'tis the season..)

No Winners in This Sad Tale:
But the echai kid- waded through a puddle of blood to score some slightly used hubcaps (they popped off the tuk-tuk) and some of the assorted moto parts that were strewn about. Right on, kid.

Someone might as well win.

Martini

2009-09-12T19:20:00.001+07:00

Mid life crisis Korean dude with hair dyed blonde on the dance floor ain't got no rhythm.

The DonBong Foundation

2009-09-10T20:41:00.012+07:00

Hmm.....where does the $4 I just gave for the purpose of getting clothes out of hock* fit into this survey?

The DonBong Foundation

Want to pay for a Survey on the Feasability of Conducting a Preliminary Report Concerning Gender Issues Related to Flood Mitigation Planning and the related Fellowship and Workshopping events?

Or do you want to help someone get their clothes out of hock with the landlord?

We Make a Difference

The DonBong Foundation: Suckers Helping People Keep on Keepin' on...

(* Or maybe she just needed to score..)

Not glued to the internet during these good times.

2009-09-07T21:28:00.003+07:00

RIP

2009-06-05T01:34:00.004+07:00

R.I.P. Grasshopper

More soon.....

2009-04-25T12:28:00.002+07:00

For lack of better news....

2009-04-20T08:00:00.001+07:00

http://www.disgruntledhousewife.com/

the confessions are good.

The Time Has Come

2009-04-08T20:25:00.000+07:00

For many years, there's been a Dairy Queen out at the airport.

Then, maybe two years ago, Pizza Company arrived. Last year, KFC opened their first branch and there's now at least one more on Norodom.

Well, you knew it had to happen sooner or later. As far as I know, this is their first venture in Cambodia. It's going up across the street from my house...

Good to see that trademark/copyright infringement still means nothing in Cambodia!

Happy Birthday

2009-03-26T16:51:00.002+07:00

R-Cat would have turned 60 today.

Vacantabout

2009-03-26T16:39:00.003+07:00

There were plenty of rumors as to why Walkabout was completely empty last night. Girls could not come in unless accompanied with a guest. Business as usual in the other venues on street 51. Some girls in the Heart say it was a tg getting back at the place for not doing anything about getting slapped by Aussie Tony. It is also close to Khmer New Year so anything to secure some extra cash for any squeeze reasons is possible. One thing is apparent, its just another thing in the slew of events that have occurred since the absence of the western manager. The big german guy knocked out some girls teeth, africans, a few fights and the security guards having their free for all. One night one of them cut in line at the upstairs pool table, another both were partying at one of the outside tables. One girl says they get 2 bucks from her every time she pulls. Yours truly ordered a chicken leg and thigh plate and the leg was stripped completely of meat, and when I got my change I wanted to change a dollar into riel for tip, 10 minutes later I asked what happened to my riel..... The cat has been away for too long and the mice have been multiplying.

RIP R-Cat

2009-03-19T10:14:00.001+07:00

They Got Me...Almost!

2009-03-02T14:00:00.008+07:00

I was cruising down 51 this afternoon to avoid the Norodom goon patrol, admiring the cleverness of the goons for now setting up shop in front of the Heart. Well, I should have been looking ahead because another 10 meters down were more goons closing in on me. As they were slowly ushering me to the curb, they were well aware of my intentions (to speed away from them at any moment) and they were nervously positioning themselves in front of my escape routes. Finally, I get to the curb and leave the engine running, maintaining their nervousness.

"No hat", says the goon in front of the bike. "Hat? Huh? What?", I reply.

He must have figured that this was going no where and went on to "License. You need to have license." Didn't have it with me but told him, "I have license in my house." Again he says, "License." And again I reply, "I have license...in my house. You come with me and I will show you my license." We go back and forth on this one a few times.

He finally decides to try "hat" again. And I am ready to pay 2,000 so I ask him how much he wants for no hat. The bossman sitting under the umbrella speaks up and says, "Sir, go on." And off I go.

It's been many years since I was last pulled over by these guys, and I was quite surprised at the ease of the outcome.

BTW, anybody seen DonBong...he never pays us a visit anymore.

Nigeriabout

2009-02-24T17:33:00.004+07:00

Seems the guards at The Walkabout are getting "donations" for entry from more than the girls these days. A car pulls up the other day and a bunch of brothers hop out and start dapp'n with the guards.

Last night a brutha was sitting at a table only to be replaced by another two. They sat alone for a while then Mohimbo struts over and tries to chat up 3 girls who want nothing to do with him. Some white dude gets up and cock blocks him and he goes back and sits down. After it looked futile this time, they headed out.

It was only one week ago the western manager was laid off. It sure doesn't take long for things to happen when someone isn't minding the store!

2009-02-21T19:46:00.000+07:00

Happy Valentines

2009-02-17T23:13:00.002+07:00

The town was a little thin with all the tourist getting their Valentines sentimental action. Happy to say I wasn't looking and wound up with a hat trick. Crowds of Khmers filled Gold Star, and daily traffic was horrendous. Big M slower as I imagine many were on reserve status, Shark was pretty standard, and late night WA not too bad. Numbers in town good. Shark looking good a little later than normal and The Big M was better than 2 to 1 on the dance floor on a Monday Night.

Other news, a couple of Barangs pulled out of Her Royal Highness today. Apparent Heroin OD but don't quote me. Just second hand news from a chick who did an overniter there and witnessed the cleanup.

Y'all ready for this!

2009-01-29T17:49:00.002+07:00

Chinese New Year is finally behind us. The year of the OX. Just look in the Khmer countryside and you will see plenty of ox carts. They move pretty slow. Chinese New Years in the past was always the last hurrah of the season, however this season it wasn't too far behind the Christmas and New Years celebrations. It traditionally brought in a shitload of tourist. Expats and Chinese from neighboring Asian countries travel in to escape the lack of things going on in their countries.

Well the past week saw plenty of people in the Heart at the 3AM time frame. Not last night. I imagine the hoard of people have started to filter out. If last night is any indication, I imagine this is the beginning of the slow ox cart pace of the cash and tourist that will be flowing into the country.

Its no wonder that the hostess bars were trying to get their 10 dollar bar fines and the lasses raising the bar for their services (or lack of). I expect over the course of the next few months, they will be hurting. They will even leave their work places to compete with the freelancers at the various other venues. I also expect many places will not be able to weather the drought. Start collecting phone numbers and I am certain you can get the before work special and cut out the bar owner.

Get ready, things are about to get good.

The Road Runner

2009-01-23T06:54:00.001+07:00

Looks like that Wile E. Coyote is up to his old shenanigans again!

Original Story

History in the making

2009-01-21T13:34:00.002+07:00

America just swore in a black president. Wait a minute, his mom was white so he is half black. Many about town chose to witness this historic event on CNN. Some in the company of geeks at the FCC, others just eating pizza at home. I chose not to be glued to the TV.

Woodstock was an historic event. I missed it. Too young, but listening to Country Joe giving the GIVE ME AN F cheer and CSNY saying they were scared shitless over and over in my friends living room and seeing the movie of people standing in the mud and rain was enough to get my fill.

We will look back on this event and what happened this time in history. Some will say I was in PNH at the FCC with geeks watching it on CNN while wearing an Obama mask and handing out George Bush toilet paper. Others will say I was in PNH in my home eating pizza sending out text of how he messed up the acceptance speech.

I will think back on this night and how I took in Sharky, Martini, Walkabout and the Heart. I will always reflect on the beauty at the end of the night, with skin darker than the incoming president, and her thong. In the mood lighting of the repetitive CNN coverage which lingered through round two, I was able to catch a glimpse of Obama flashing the Shaka Brudda sign to his old high school marching band. That's all the history I need.

Holiday Solitude (Christmas Comes Late..)

2008-12-13T22:36:00.009+07:00

I started this post in December 2008:

Cambodian Christmas:
A heretic buys a $26 4 ft plastic Christmas tree (made in the PRC) complete with lights and decorations from a Khmer and gets carnal with a VC under the glow of the blinking blue lights. Lube made in the USA. Background music from a stereo made in Japan. Anarchists are shitheads. Globalization works. But some people just seek out reasons to get pissed off.

The Thais:
We've all been enjoying the angry shit in Thailand. Assholes to the left - assholes to the right - tourist season 2008-2009...Fucked. Tourism bad even in Pattaya. Bars are responding to the downturn by raising their drink prices to Bangkok levels. Nicely played. The sad trade they are getting is responding. They buy cheap cans of beer on the street, sit outside the bars and listen to the music blaring out the doors...Just like Phnom Penh Africans.

Sharky Bar:
Yes - the prices rose (again.) $2.50 for a vodka. $5.50 for a pitcher of Angkor. (Wasn't it just $4?) Hostess bar prices at the Shark? Hmm....no longer a cheap night out, but the times are still good, and the people are still the right kind of weird.

Happy Birthday:
Saigon's best - The Curtis King Band in town for the 13th (or 14th?) Anniversary Party. Kick ass band but they can be hit and miss....kind of a miss this time around but - still - a great night and they were very cool to follow-up with a freebie Saturday night.

A big fuck you - to the security guards at the Candy Bar for braining one of the guys with a baton. A misunderstanidng? Something about a bill (that had actually been paid.) Another reason to avoid the crapfest on St. 136.

THANKSGIVING in Cambodia...

2008-11-27T07:32:00.007+07:00

...goes something like this:

Haven't seen enough? - Click here!

Making The BIG Time

2008-11-18T19:35:00.002+07:00

Another Crowded Holiday List Alarms Businesses

THE CAMBODIA DAILY

November 18, 2008

The government released a list of 25 public holidays for the 2009 calendar year, renewing the debate over tradition versus labor productivity.

The 25 holidays spread from International New Year's Day on Jan 1 to International Human Rights Day on Dec 10, and the month of May alone counts six days off, according to a government sub-decree signed by Prime Minister Hun Sen on Oct 20.

"For my factory, which has 2,000 workers, I lose about $6,000 to $7,000 per day during public holidays," said Kong Sang, deputy chairman of the Garment Manufacturers Association in Cambodia and owner of Evergreen Apparel Co Ltd.

Holidays lower production and complicate business because banks close, Kong Sang said. Cambodia has many more holidays than other countries, and they are clustered in the spring and fall, when garment factories receive most of their international orders, he added.

GMAC raised the issue with the government but did not receive a satisfactory answer, he said.

International investors are shocked by the number of public holidays when they arrive here, but they make do with Cambodia's calendar, said [Mr. Big], ...manager at [the preeminent staffing company in Cambodia], who handles human resources for companies trying to establish themselves in Cambodia.

"I've never seen anyone go running for the border once they realize they have to give their workers some time off," [Mr. Big] said, adding that Cambodians still have less time off than some European workers.

A very [Mr. Big]-like statement for those that know him.

You Know You're Not In Cambodia Anymore WHEN...

2008-10-03T20:40:00.003+07:00

...you see this sign:

AND, when your date lets you know how disappointed she is that you discarded the milk that she wanted to drink!

Happy to report that Pattaya is still a great place to be! Except the prices - as everyone else has reported - have gone up. I'm not quite the "handsome man" that I used to be. Dredge seemed to relish this fact. May the rain Gods descend upon him during his ride up-country.

How about this guy? How much could you sue for?

Suckered By Stripper, Man Sues

Arizonan says he was taken for $175k ride by topless dancer

OCTOBER 26--In a remarkably embarrassing new lawsuit, an Arizona man claims that he was bilked out of $175,000 by a Phoenix stripper who played him for a sucker for three years. According to a Superior Court complaint, a copy of which you'll find below, gullible Zachary Hull, 39, met Kimberly Jennings in November 2001 while she was working as a topless dancer. Jennings claimed that she stripped to pay for her college tuition and "painted a tale of woe and honest needs" so that Hull would "feel sorry for her," alleges the complaint. Hull told Jennings that she should stop dancing and "that they should get to know each other and become friends. In exchange he would assist her with money for her financial needs." From that point, Hull contends, Jennings fed him lie after lie so that she could "manipulate [him] into providing her with funds." The list of stories (or "false representations" as they are called in the lawsuit) swallowed by Hull is lengthy, covering everything from supposed chest infections and dental surgery to breast cancer treatment and moving expenses. Hull claimed when he confronted Jennings about her finances, she would become defensive and warn that if he did not cover her expenses she would return to stripping. Jennings "actively concealed" her real name, and the fact that she was married and had children, claimed Hull, who also named Jennings's husband as a defendant in his fraud complaint. Hull is seeking the return of his $175k, along with interest and legal fees.

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1026053hull1.html

Scambodia Indeed

2008-08-26T22:17:00.007+07:00

cock gobblers...

Not to get off on a rant here, but anyone recently try to redeem points on their 'travel' credit card for an award flight? Well I have.

Will someone explain to me why the same Eva Air flights between PP and Vancouver can be had by any schmuck on the planet with an internet connection and $1140.80 while the multi-gazillion dollar bank hosting my bong thom Platinum Visa is charged $2900 and change?

Only reason I care is this: 100,000 points = $2000. Anything in excess has to be paid by the redeemer. Fine, as long as the sticker is more or less the same for everyone. Looking up other crap in the redemption schedule I found the following.

Callaway x20 Gold Iron set: 97,500 points. Cost online: $699.00
Samsung 32" HD LCD TV: 148,500 points. Actual cost: $709.99
Modavo Mens Classic Watch: 79,500 points... $695.00

Seems to be a pattern here. I didn't even book a flight but in the process I burned up close to three clams in Skype credit. That ain't much, but at 2.1 cents a minute that's alot of time listening to some soul-less drone spouting corporate rhetoric. Actually had to call them up again to make sure I got it right: Hello Mr. Ubercon, and how may I offer you excellent service today?

Point is, just in case you're wondering why you're still here give yourself a fresh one across the kisser. Although it's catching on faster than most of us would like it's still an oasis for the hypnotically challenged.

Anyway, think I'm leaning toward the clubs...

New Found Appreciation

2008-08-26T20:18:00.001+07:00

In my younger days, I really dug the Olympics. It was all about the competition and wanting to see the US win as many medals as they could.

At some point, I seemed to have outgrown that stage and I haven't paid much attention to them in several years. What have I been missing???

These are not your father's Olympians!!!

And I certainly never thought that I would be supporting Chinese athletes. But when they look like this AND they promote Anchor...WIN WIN!!!

For some reason, this photo seems appropriate here:

So do these...

And I'm not partial to just the Asians!

But then again...

They even had cheerleaders!

Finally, Michael who?

Somehow I suspect that London 2012 just won't be the same.

Who woulda thunk

2008-08-20T16:30:00.001+07:00

The remote to the TV has been dying a slow death. Bong even offered to sell his big screen out of the pawn shop. That would solve the problems except being out 300 bucks due to a remote. For a 600 dollar TV though, it seemed worth it, besides I don’t think Bong put as many hours watching it as is spent in the pawn shop.

In the end I took apart the remote to see what made it work. Hmmmm…. Rubber buttons seemed ok. There wasn’t a wear point where they made contact, and the contact point was just a flat circuit board. Some how the rubber buttons just jumped the wire road map. The circuit board was a bit oily and some of the buttons weren’t as oily. Hmmmmm again.

Decided to wipe off all the oil from the circuit board and the buttons.. Dabbed a little of NASA’s greatest invention (ASTROGLIDE) on both the board and the buttons. Put the sides back together and gave it a whirl. Up volume gliding off the screen. Damn, too much astro. Opened the device up again and took a little off the buttons and the circuit board and now it works like a charm.

Heart: il est merde!

2008-08-10T11:11:00.040+07:00

The lengths some guys go to get a girl...

Friday night at Heart and the french dude on the dance floor won't leave the guy's live-in alone (apparently the french guy has a history of yama, AND hassling the girl). Words are exchanged, situation escalates, but a messy situation is averted.
.
Heart packed and nearly impossible to get a drink, so the party moves to Zep. Everyone chilling enjoying the show when Pepe la Pew shows up, apparently hot on the scent. Relocate to WA with Pepe in close proximity.
.
Almost at the doorway when Pepe says something to the BF. 3-strikes already, and a shove bounces Pepe off the Walkabout sign onto the pavement between the bikes. Pepe's rubbing is melon and bawling like a school-room sissy in front of WA 5-0, while BF tries to leave peacefully. Pepe stumbles to his feet and blocks his exit so we push the bike down the street a little to avoid running him over. Coming back for more, another little shove (and crying fit) is necessary before the cheese eating surrender monkey allows him to leave.
.
Later on BF gets over 20 SMS's covering prosecution, retribution, reconciliation and pretty much everything in between. WA Justice: BF not allowed in until having a wee chat with the manager. sigh...
.
Yama's a hell of a drug!! If you can't hold it and happen to be whiney, weak and French, consider restricting yourself to wine and cigarettes. It'll be the healthier choice in the long run.

Charity Event Gala!

2008-08-05T23:31:00.006+07:00

Murray and his Harley Bikers group will be holding a fund raiser at Huxley's Friday night. I think this a Toys for Tots kind of thing - $ to buy toys for needy kids.

Who can't get behind that?

The Details:
No idea. Can't recall what you should bring ($10 or $20?), what time it kicks off (I guess if you go around 7 or 8 it'd be cool), and I have no idea if you should bring toys (probably not.)

I should have been paying attention to the conversation but hey, 3 martinis in - it's a miracle I remember this much.

Should be a lot of good people there and Robbie may or may not have food out for attendees....Anyway, be there. It's good for your karma. You'll have a good time, and you can be rest assured, your money will actually go to buying stuff for the kids. Not towards wax for the Land Cruiser.

Anyone with more info about this, please chime in.

1 + 2 + 4 = ?

2008-08-05T11:33:00.006+07:00

Zer0!

As in 1 ticket gets you 2 drinks for the price of 4 dollars and results in 0 people from the dark continent showing up at the Big M. Seems Team JC got their act together and the brothers have to buy a ticket at the door before entering. This past weekend, none of them was willing to pay the steep price and the decor was much brighter. Are these the customers that any business wants?

The Trapdoor Spider seems to have caught himself one in the front door...and a cutie at that! Will he be able to refrain from his trapdoor-spider-ways? Plenty of us multi-legged creatures awaiting any fallout. Seriously, good catch and good luck spidey!

Undiscovered History - What's up with CCTV taking away my Discovery Channel and replacing it with the History Channel? No problems with the History Channel, as I have already watched a few good documentaries (including one about Pol Pot, which seemed to have been produced shortly after his death 10 years ago), but certainly not at the expense of the Discovery Channel! That means no more Mythbusters, Dirty Jobs, Future Weapons, or American Chopper (OK, I can emphatically state that I will not miss those meatheads!). Also missing is Animal Planet being replaced with something called Explore - yeah, I'll take that poofter Jeff Corwin over the AC knuckleheads anyday. Come on fellows, screw with the Frog Channel or the Russian channel, but not my Discovery!

The Gameroom/Crackhouse across the street from Walkabout has been shut down and not a minute too soon. Saw the games being hauled out a few days ago and the place has been closed since. Good F*cking riddence you losers.

One final thing that Dredge forgot to add about Prohibition Night. Before we ran off to import our own Mekong, but after we were able to find a few cans of brew on Street 63, we needed a place to enjoy them. We discovered that there could be no better place than the concrete bench half way down the street from WA. While imbibing, we were treated to a "monkey-open-coconut" (ala Ko Samui) show performed by an 8-year-old glue-sniffing simian, while a monstrously-goitered crack whore tried to entice us with her "goods' - ahhh...just like the old days!

A Dollar Well Spent

2008-07-30T20:01:00.006+07:00

Walkabout Dead:
Well, not the bar. Just some dude in it. Sources say he'd been dead 2 days before someone entered the room and found him. No idea who, what, or why. (Just the when and where.) One report - he fell in the bathroom and hit his head. Damn...Anyone got the 411?

Elections:
Muchachos back from the villages with tales from the ballet box. Jap vote checkers gave the elections a big thumbs-up, and I'm not going to argue. Mainly because I refuse to care. I concern myself with the better things in LIFE. But there were hijinks, and I feel for villagers who stood in line all day, got to the ballot table, and learned they'd already voted. (They get pretty high out there, possible they voted and forgot about it....) Many wondered where all the Vietnamese names on the voter lists came from.

Sam Rainsy Party HQ:
Cops everywhere. The hard looking ones in olive drab - the dudes that actually work*; the ones they give guns and bikes. Badass and camped out front of my favorite VN coffee shop. (4 strong baggies of jet-black java for 2000.) At first I thought there was a massive raid on the meth mall at the projects, but no. They were there to protect the SRP from people out to harm them. Or something...

The important thing is - it's not my business. Hopefully they'll be gone by tomorrow, so I can get my PM caffeine boost.

Not in the LP Guide**:
Allerin (cold/cough syrup) by United American Pharmaceuticals (Philippines) Dosage- One swig and a couple hits...great buzz: $1/bottle. Give it a shot....

Because we all get some satisfaction from a dollar well spent.

(*Well.....)

(**Or that candy ass, rainbow-striped Footprint Guide)

Bring the Party with You

2008-07-27T18:31:00.006+07:00

Election 2008
Mellow Day. Russian market for some jeans ($7) - place is still a fucking nightmare but I scored some American Dad dvds and some Camel shirts ($7). Smiling fucker at the DVD stall said he was giving me a good price - $2/disc. (I hate the Russian Market.)

Lucky Market on the way home for some supplies. Lucky closed Sunday so everyone and their mother was there to stock up on hand cream, tissues and diet coke (maybe it was just me...)

Anyway, applause to Robbie for a pre-lection day party complete with booze, smoke and enough BBQ to feed an army. I'm still full. Big shout out to Lanzi and his crack staff for the grill-work. Pork chops, steaks, 4 kinds of sausages and whatever rub/marinade they were using - a fucking WIN. I'm still full. Next time you are looking to throw a party - check out Dan Meats. The best butcher in town and not expensive.

Walkabout:
Supposed to be serving on the 2nd floor but someone narc'd and the cops made them stop. Death to informants (!!) but the place had a decent crowd anyway. I fired up beforehand - not into experiencing Walk sans-buzz. I needn't have bothered.

Discretely, take an ass-pocket bottle of Mekong, some sprite, red bull, soda water and fruit plate and you've got a summertime cocktail that Martha Stewart wished she'd come up with. They should dub it, "The Confidential." Cheers to Dredge and Khmerican for taking the initiative to bring the party to the bar. And cheers for Publisher for making a special trip home to bring back a refill when the first bottle was kicked.

And tonight....I'll let you know.

Pattaya...It's coming.

Getting Down

2008-07-25T17:31:00.011+07:00

Using the Noodle:
Thailand can wait. I'll have a decent blow-out weekend here for the price of the ticket alone. And, have a better time doing it. Suze Ormond would be proud.

Large Seafood Pizza from Pizza World + tip: $10
Mad boozing around town (8pm-5am): $24
Doling out moto$ to misc associates - just because they asked: $3
Stream of vulgar drunken SMS' to misc numbers: .25
2 orders of steamed dumplings: $3
The Sisters and their friend: $43

Under budget and ready for day 2.

Sharkys:
Good scene. Blitzed on many levels. Even the lounge music sounded right. DD at the pool table looking good. Do I want to go to Prey Veng with her for the elections? (= Do I want to pay for the taxi ride?) Maybe. A distraction. 50-something transvestite getting a massage from a VC at the end of the bar. Bizarre. My inner-Khmer wanted to stare. I fought it. Sort of...He left with 3 chicks. Ok.

1am: Word in - Cops shut down Heart and Howie's and everything else on that stretch of 51 - except Pit Stop. They work in mysterious ways. The important thing: Walk and Zeppelin Bar still going strong. Slammed my vodka and busted a move.

Zeppelin Bar: 2:30 am
Where did all of the White people come from? Like refugees from a sinking ship, they packed the back booths and had Jun playing some whiny-rock from the '80s. I guess they were slumming. I didn't shout,"BACK to ELSEWHERE you brie-sucking, wine-sipping vermin!!!" Instead, I ordered a drink, said hi to the boss (who very kindly put on some Metallica) and set up my deer stand near the door. Watched what little street traffic there was. Crack den and food vendors had been cleared out. Dark and quiet.

An old friend stopped in to say hi. Good timing. Ordered a round and took her in. She's alive. (Love it when that happens) and looking good. Pattaya trash tweeker followed her in and gave her the evil eye - staring right through me. Great. She ripped him off, and now she's hiding behind me. Well, fuck him. He can stew while I order us up another round. Pattaya Trash tweekers (especially those who wear the same dirty tank-top every fucking day) are fair-game. But she can't hide behind me forever. I let him give her another $20 to score - so he could compound his losses and I left them to their drama. To Walk.

Walkabout: 4am
Packed. Everywhere else closed; the party moved here. White women and the backpackers who long to give them foot massages...everywhere. A parallel universe? No, just a night without the Heart, Elsewhere, and Revolution, so the young and beautiful decided to slum it at PNH's W Hotel. Whatever. Good scene and I ran into people I rarely see outside of work. Slamming booze with DJ Julian. He had a tale to tell:

Pontoon:
DJ Luv gone from the scene. He vowed the party boat by the sewer outtake would never be the same. He was right. A post-Luv weekend brought changes. An international DJ to get the crowds moving. They moved. They got down. Down to the riverbed. Dude drew so many people, the boat sank!! Thankfully, it went down in slow motion, so no one was hurt, but....what a monumental fuck-up. Hope they had insurance. (Doubt they had insurance.)

Say what you want about DJ Luv; he kept the crowds away - and the boat afloat.

If anything else interesting happened, I can't remember it.

And one more thing:

PREAH VIHEAR BELONGS TO CAMBODIA!!!

(So quit hasslin')

Fitting In

2008-07-24T19:04:00.005+07:00

Summertime and the Livin' is Esse:
Thursday. The phones are dead. Most of the staff gone. Nothing but a slow net connection and the Cambodia Daily. Fuck me!! But the day was saved with a bang (more of a crack); a couple hundred yards away, a kid got done in front of the projects. Not sure why. Normally a motorbike robbery but over there, it could be anything. The street crew working on a nearby CPP bilboard didn't skip a beat - they had nothing to worry about.

Searching for a Sober Choice:
The big race is on...for 2nd place. But shit that gets me a 4-day weekend is a welcome thing. Unless it closes the bars.

In an effort to add credibility, the POWERS THAT BE have decided to close bars for 48 hrs 'til voting is done. Penalties haven't been spelled out, but (as Ubercon noted) closing for a day or so would be worth the goodwill points it'll score with the commune. Bar owners are digging the forced "vacation." Bar staff - not so happy. Losing a weekend during the low season means less $$ at the end of the month. But hey, they should have been born rich.

Non-voting expats will be getting ready for a deluge of housecalls; hordes of unsolicited visitors looking for an a/c room (meals included) to weather the 48 hr closing.

A Plan:
I may show my respect for the sanctity of the CPP Smackdown by going to Bangkok for the weekend - where I'll disregard the budget I've set and blow a shitload of money on the enemy. Now is that what they wanted? When will they learn? Prohibition doesn't work.

But it may be enough to see me descend into a morass of 600 baht bar fines, 3000 bht all nighters, bars that close at 1am, and girls who ask for the Johnny Walker Black, NOT the Red...

Hmm...Maybe, I won't rise up. I'll just get with the program. Respect the booze ban by downing a few at the Naga. I'll even blow a few bucks at the blackjack table. And perhaps a rub & tug at the hotel "spa." Dig.

It feels good to fit in.

The More Things Change

2008-07-23T07:11:00.012+07:00

As much as the Cambos profess to dislike the Thais, it doesn't stop them from emulating them.

Wrote a couple of weeks ago about the possibility of a dry weekend this coming weekend thanks to the election and our fearless leader (a lovely article about him - http://www.atimes.com/atimes/Southeast_Asia/JG23Ae01.html).
Laughed it off.

Not so quickly. Two well-known and well-visited establishments received notices yesterday saying that they are not to have any sales this weekend. "No sales" as in no food and no drink. As in "we really think that you should close."

Now there definitely could be technical ways around this, but in the end, these are the same guys that could make problems for your business...especially if there are any girls frequenting or working in the place.

So as of last night, these popular places are planning on shutting down for the weekend.

What's that? You say you can go 48 hours without drinking? Well, how about without seeing Srey Srey? If the places close, where ya gonna go for your trim?

By the way, Champagne had already been planning on closing, just for Saturday, I believe.

What to do? I would suggest checking on your planned destination before departure. And as things stand, you might be best off to have a walk about.

The More They Remain The Same

R-Cat still being Russell-ed.

Spoon-Ur is still an idiot!

DB had a few choice words for him not so long ago - http://pnhconfidential.blogspot.com/2007/10/androo-spoon-ur-makes-bank-and-other.html

Now he just won't go away.

Quick summary - the guy, who supposedly does research and writes for the little known (for good reason) Foot Print Guide, walked by CA2 one afternoon, saw the staff sitting outside with nothing to do, and declared the place hooker infested. Some guidebook this must be with incredible efforts into researching destinations such as this.

Anyway, Androo was lucky enough to warrant a couple of paragraphs in Jim's Farewell article in last month's Pearnik (page 4) - http://bayonpearnik.com/html/Issue142/index.htm. Seems that Jim made the fatal mistake of giving Spoon-Ur more credit than he deserves and said that he worked for the Rough Guide, not ToeJam, err...Foot Print.

So our research expert emails Jim, comments on his "rather strange piece" in the Pearnik, tells Jim of his error and tells him that he should get his "basic facts right" as it makes him "look dim if you don't" (This guy obviously is EXPERT on this!), and then proceeds to present a copy of the CA2 review that he intends to put in the ToeJam Guide.

This guys has never set foot in CA2 but he describes the size, color, and shape of the rooms, in addition to "bas-reliefs on the walls" and even the view from the rooms. Wonder where he plagiarized this stuff from?

Not only that but if the wanker had done a little more research in what seems to be his primary source of research material (the Pearnik), he would have come to the PP Pub Page on page 13, in which the second sentence of the article states, "That’s right after seven years on the riverfront Cali2 was to close it’s door’s to it’s many fans, regulars and tourist guests a like, and it seemed like half the town crammed in to say goodbye."

CA2 has been closed since the 5th of May!

Well, can't blame the guy from not reading the Pub Page, but research is his job, and he seems to really suck at it. Buy and/or use the Foot Print Guide at your own peril!

Work Hard, Play Harder

2008-07-20T13:07:00.024+07:00

..
Big News in Small Packages
..
Late afternoon last friday a stork was observed near the riverside flying erratically as though struggling to stay aloft. A street chippy near Wat Phnom reported the illegal overflight to authorities while government officials pledged to pluck and cook the bird upon landing in a tin pot fashioned from old Funcinpec aircraft.
..
Turning decisively over 104 street it started its run and at 5:51 pm hit the pickle button releasing its 3.1 kg payload over Monsoon bar and restaurant.
..
Yup, Alien and Mom (not even gonna think about touching that one), spawned a healthy baby girl. Just think, in a few years you'll have another young lady around the house feeding you bacon sandwiches! All doing fine although daddy admits to needing a stiff drink and a name for junior. Suggestion forms available for a dollar along 104 street and at selected bars throughout PP. Winner receives a choice between the first pair of meconium soiled diapers or a Chinese motorcycle.
..
Return of the Sandman
..
The end of a long week finally arrived when hollywood boarded a plane for home and let the rest of us get some much needed sleep. Memories include not having any toward the end of most evenings.
..

Heart of Gayness
..
Heart continues to do what it does best. A trip to the can through the gauntlet of flaming youth resulted in few sticky fingers probing the contents of my pockets. At least I hope that's what they were after.
..
Having a peaceful drink at the bar when a sawed off hooligan backpacker gets in my grill, barking something about making some space for him, NOW. A few mild mannered dismissals and he's not discouraged until I put the drink down, put my hands on his shoulders, and launch him into the dance floor. His friends surround me explaining they dont want any trouble. I agree, and return to my beer expecting security to show me the door any second. Security doesn't show, neither does junior. Kid's got some good friends.
..
Congo Charlies
..
Talkin' to a Lagosian Drug Mule continues to be the best bang for your imbibing buck. If you can manage to put your hand in your pocket to actually buy a drink you'll soon be on the midnite express to Palookaville. And if Charlie keeps filling your glass with the free hooch you'll arrive 10 minutes early.
..
Many of the brothers still frequenting the place and other than spooking the local girls a bit everyone seems to get along well enough. Although I have to confess I prefered the scenery around the lower pool table a bit more when it was just the ladies dominating the play. Oh well.
..
Pontoon
..
Was last week but worth a mention. DJ Mark's last night and despite feeling a little obligated to go was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be a great time. Although I dropped in for just a drink was there for several hours along with everyone else. Good times.
..
This Week?
..
Decided to let fate decide. Although much more sleep will probably be in the cards. And who knows what the election will bring...

Appointments

2008-07-14T22:11:00.001+07:00

Appointments=Someone's gonna wait.

A Bunch of Stuff

2008-07-12T18:22:00.011+07:00

Zeppelin Bar, 5:10am
$1 vodkas, $1.50 dumplings. Kick-ass music.* Rockin' to Pantera and IceEarth 'til daylight. Pie-eyed and lounging out front with Plunger. Spying the action at the crackhouse across the street. Ogling the cuties doing the Heart-Walkabout trail. Good show. Then suddenly from out of nowhere...

ChocolatePixie giving me a hard sell. Dark-skinned Viet telling me what she could do. Toe to toe - jabbing her finger and laying it out for me, "HEY! I Suck you good. You no work - ANYTHING...." Words I like to hear. She hit me with a classic,

"No cum. No pay."

Yes. Never hear that anymore. Unless she's being sarcastic..and sarcastic's kind of a turn-on. I know a bad idea when I see one. Getting ready to bite into a Kamagra BUT alarm bells going off...

ChocolatePixie speaks real good English. She's got the pitch down right. Got the yama-chic body, too...And she's kinda hot. So...Why haven't I ever seen her before? Did the inventory of stealable items at Chez Bong: smoke, laptop, i-pod, cell phone, new shoes...Proofing the apt would be hassle. Had to say no. Maybe I'm getting wiser.

No. That's not it.

Huxley's
Where is a Cali2 refugee to go? Go where there's Zappa, Vodka and Bumfights. Getting fucked up with Publisher and Publican watching Rufus the StuntBum do his thing on Youtube. We went from high school girl fights to Kimbo Slice to midget boxing to Bum Fights. Somewhere in the world someone was trying to cure cancer.

I was digging the scene at Huxley. Great bartender makes a kick-ass martini. It's $4 but it's got 2.5 shots of vodka in it and goes down super-smooth. Toothless German-Swiss chef makes very good food for a very fair price, too. Place is a win.

Robbie from Sharky/Shanghai decided to go upscale and what he came out with it right in the middle. A place to take clients and have a nice-girl date - and when you're done - go downstairs, booze with boys and watch Rufus bang his head into walls for a $1.

Sharky Bar:

CaliJim came on board and had the sound system fixed. Place sounds great and the new lighting works. Staff still oblivious but - that's part of the charm. You want some prozac'd-up fairy in a striped shirt and suspenders in your face every 5 mins asking if you need a refill? I think you don't.

Mixing up the music (a bit) to keep the ladies happy works - they actually stay 'til around 2am. Get your fill with the mixed drinks at $1.25 (12-2am) Then take your sorry drunken self over to Zep to watch the show.

Deaf Girl & French Tweeker:
Sharky's. 12:30am. 2 new VCs doing some recon for their friends. They locked onto a Korean with a bottle of Bacardi. In the background - good deaf-mute girl on a tear. Bought her a Tiger. Big mistake. Earned me a 20 min pantomime of her sorry state of affairs. Jumping up and down, drunken tears, waving her hands, grunting and squeaking...Something to do with flying or falling; the number 4 kept coming up. She wouldn't go away. When she did, she'd come back to "retell" the tale. Finally, she moved on. My buzz and libido (barely) intact.

Skeezed out French tweeker watched intently. 10 mins after she'd left, he sidled up. Wanted to know what language I spoke. Demanded to know what the deaf girl told me...because he doesn't speak English. I didn't feel like explaining she's mute. She never tells anyone anything. No one knows what she's on about. Told him I didn't know. Told him it had something to do with the number 4. He didn't believe me. Thought I was holding back. Demanded to know more. Glared at me. He went back to his seat and waited for the ceiling to collapse on his head.

I mentally picked my nose and flicked a booger at him.

And that's as much writing as I'm going to do about a drunk deaf-mute courtesan and a suspicious-minded tweeker Frenchman.

Started early today and can't remember why I'm writing about this. I guess the point is - despite metered taxis, new shopping malls, and KFC, it's still good to be here. Still plenty of free entertainment. Nah,..there's no point.

It's just a bunch of stuff that happened.

*If you like hard rock and very heavy metal

Long Overdue

2008-07-12T01:50:00.006+07:00

Long time away from internet but still hangin on the circuit. I see Khmerican has been
busy. Job must not be too demanding, and I am sure all appreciate his efforts.
I know how important the news from the east must be for those in the west.

Scarlet Harlet spending time on chat rooms and during an st confided that some guy
locked to his web cam was trying to get her to go far on hers, but in the
end she eluded she didn't have to, but got an eyeful from his web cam. Explained to her
what a sticky keyboard was.

I guess despite the rant from Ubercon, hostess bars exist for guys like web cam guy. Pumped up
on testosterone and oblivious to the music. Also despite all the information in books,
publications, and the web...some girl will get a house and moto. A recent trip to the
land of smiles only brought frowns. Beavers had girls on the table asking me to stuff
their garters and I hadn't even received my first beer yet. After being her so long you
get tired of telling them you area coconut salesman.

That being said the beer garden on Soi Seven wasn't too impressive this time around,
but I think the venue is right. It's a place like Walkabout, Martini, and Sharky where
the hustle is to get you out of there and not to fund some overpriced drink hustle.

Walkabout-Cleve has been a good addition and his return was long overdue.
He's playing lots of good music, and he is trying new things and making a difference. The pool night still attracting alot of cuties, and there has been a few new addtions to the harem from there recently. Hopefully he can move forward on some cleanliness issues. Nice white spotless kitchen renovation only to have your food served on some bacteria infested countertop that is periodically wiped down with some dry rag that was fetched from the bottom of some automobile getting an engine overhaul.

Martini-(or Congo Charlies) I made it out the other week and expected Dr. Mohimbo & Sons
to be there collecting his Junk Mail checks, but this was not the case. Not sure if it
was a one off or if it had been getting so bad the management took it seriously. I put
money on the one off. Will check in again and see. Still a buyers market and definitely
not overpriced like Thailand.

Sharky-Put on a good 4th party. Curtis King band as good as always. Embassy chicks even
dancing on the bar in the end. For U.S. Independence day the Brits made a good showing
by winning the moto, but in the end it was the Chinese who capitalized by selling a 600
dollar bike that got flipped to Howies in the end for 300. Ladies night on Thursday was
a win. Ironically when Shark clears out early the ladies were hanging on and the ratio
was great. The food special for the girls is catching on and based on what I saw there
will be some new additions to the harem.

Place worth menitoning is Zepellin. Good move positioning himself between Walkabout and
the heart. Lots of traffic going by and they peer in when walking by. Quite a few discrete pulls
from there, away from the Walkabout gauntlet. Marlboros still 1 dollar and I am sure thats why they were out the other night. Drinks are reasonably priced as well.

I Was Worried

2008-07-10T19:07:00.006+07:00

After seeing the news below, I was beginning to worry that we might begin to run out of things to bitch about here:

Exit tax to be incorporated into flight price at Cambodia's int'l airports

PHNOM PENH, July 3 (Xinhua) -- Starting from Sept. 1, the departure tax that airline passengers line up to pay at the international airports in Phnom Penh and Siem Reap will be transferred to ticket price, local newspaper the Cambodian Daily said on Thursday.

The government has not made an official announcement yet on the tax, but a meeting between authorities, airport management firm and about 20 airlines that serve the international airports in Phnom Penh and Siem Reap is tentatively set for mid-July, said Ho Vandy, president of the Cambodian Association of Travel Agents.

Moving the tax payment to ticket price is a victory for the industry and travelers, he said.

"Often people don't carry the money, or don't carry U.S. dollars, so it is very difficult for the tourists who don't know they will have to pay (the airport tax)," he added.

The airport management service fee, 25 U.S. dollars for foreigner and 18 U.S. dollars for Cambodian, has been levied by the government since 2003 and goes to airport infrastructure construction, as well as service and security improvement.

Come on - that's one of the biggest gripes of those leaving Cambodia, the $25 departure tax. Never mind that the Thai departure tax is now close, at about $21 (700 baht). It is now combined with the price of the ticket and no one notices it.

Not to worry...my fears were relieved only 5 days later when The Cambodia Daily ran the following (photo did not accompany the article):

Alcohol Banned During Election Weekend

Prime Minister Hun Sen ordered a ban on selling alcohol at bars and restaurants over the national election weekend later this month.

In a statement signed Thursday and received Monday, Hun Sen said the measure will be in operation for 48 hours beginning at midnight July 26 until 11:59 pm on election day, July 27.

"Cambodian and foreign citizens here must cooperate with the government," Hun Sen warned.

The teetotal measure is being instituted to ensure the vote proceeds in a non-violent fashion, without intimidation, threats and other incidents associated with excessive alcohol consumption, Hun Sen wrote.

"Military police and local authorities at all levels must educate all people to implement this directive to suspend the selling or drinking of alcohol with the aim of...having an environment for the election that is free, fair, and non-violent," he added.

Phnom Penh Governor Kep Chuktema said he met with city officials Monday to inform them about the alcohol ban and said officials would implement it comprehensively.

"Cambodians will respect it and foreigners living here must respect it too," Kep Chuktema said.

Once you have finished rolling on the ground and have wiped the tears of laughter from your eyes, read on:

However, NEC Secretary-General Tep Nytha said that those who did not obey the directive would not be prosecuted.

"This is an ethical social participation," he said Monday.

Good to know that non-enforcement of laws in Cambodia is still the norm!

Girlie and Other Bars

2008-07-03T21:10:00.019+07:00

I don't mean to get off on a rant here, and I'm certainly no expert.

but...

I recently returned from the land of braced, near perfect smiles. So comparing our local haunts to the sister establishments across the border would be just plain cruel. And since my esteemed co-contributer feels so negatively about hostess bars in general I though the context was ripe to chime in with a few of my own Real Phnom Penh Hostess Bar Stories...

First off, I'm really not singling anyone out. Okay, scratch that... I am. But only to illustrate a point and because a set of them have come to represent everything I dislike about the genre. They're definitely not alone, they have plenty of company. And then there are others I truly enjoy consistently. So what's the difference?

Consider a set we'll simply call the numbered bars. We all know them. Some of us like them. Pattaya trashmen frequent them. And they all have the same basic theme: girls for rent, some of the more fetching ones dance on the bar, but most mull around fishing for lady drinks in an otherwise unremarkable joint. The TGI Fridays Group of Cambodian hostess bars.

I used to have an okay time in them. Until I started having consistently shitty times, then I bailed. My reasons? Well, I reckon the ads should read '...drop by for tedious two year old club music spun at eardrum-shattering volumes, or chat with a mercenary lady drink hustler over a grossly overpriced beverage.' Also, seems the bars I'm made to feel very welcome in are owned or operated by, shall we say, munificent proprieters. 'nuff said. In all fairness I've never been hassled for a lady drink there. Nor have I bought one, which probably explains the attention I usually recieve in those places. Then again do I really need to pay for the privelage of being asked my name or where I come from for the trillionth time? The question 'what's your job?' results in 'Coconut Salesman' so many times I still blurt it out at job interviews. But last night I thought fuck it. I'll give it another shot.

It started out more or less okay but the screeching volume soon had me stuffing Kleenex back in my ears as usual. The torment ended when the power started cycling on and off (hint: a new breaker is like a $5 hit). The power eventually got sorted and the music came on even louder, cranked up by the owner himself. Signaling to pay my bill I handed over a fresh Benjamin and was asked if I had anything smaller. 'sorry, afraid not' I sez. At this the waitress nodded in the direction of my friend and suggested he pay for me. Eyebrows raised now, 'uhhh... NO, why should he be on the hook when it's you guys who should have the change?'. I countered 'look, how about you give me a pen, I'll sign the bill and pay next time I'm in?'. Impossible apparently, even though the friend to my left had done just that twice in previous weeks. Male K staff approaches and suggests we go out together to make change. Reasonable options exhausted, Benji returns to my hip and going, going, gone never felt so right. Don't worry, I'll be back soon to take care of that.

Apparently some other guys were whooping it up at a different #ed bar buying drinks for themselves and some of the girls. Wanting to continue the festivities elsewhere they moved to pay the BF for some of the girls but were blocked by the proprieter. Apparently they didn't buy enough lady drinks to be eligable to buy them out. Maybe the management should consider attending a workshop in Thailand to review the history and theory behind the barfine concept. Anyway, just an idea.

That's just my opinion, I may be wrong...

Oh... and Flora, NO Bar, NN * Bar, My Lien, Shanghai, Sharky, Wa, Zep, and of course M... keep up the good work and see y'all real soon!

Seeing The Light!

2008-07-02T19:57:00.001+07:00

Being a Khmerican, I have never understood nor appreciated the sport of soccer...

Until now...

I have just had the Mother of all epiphanies!

Lightning bolt kills three Cambodian soccer players

Reuters

PHNOM PENH -- A lightning bolt killed three Cambodian soccer players and put three others in hospital at a match played during a monsoon season thunder-storm, officials said on Tuesday. The victims, all in their 20s, were taking part in a tournament organized by the government to introduce the game to youngsters and ultimately to improve the strength of the national side, said Cambodia Soccer Federation President Sao Sokh.

Monday's freak incident in the southeast Asian nation's capital prompted a warning to players and coaches not to take to the field while thunderclouds loomed overhead -- an almost daily occurance in the May-October rainy season.

How Do You Like Your Martini?

2008-07-01T18:10:00.012+07:00

I've always liked the classic. But it's long gone now.

Personally, never cared much for "the drink".

But I have always loved "the place". Since my first visit in 1999, it has been my favorite in Cambodia - even now with the GF by my side. I always find plenty of mates to talk with and plenty of eye candy to look at.

But if this weekend is any indication, things, they are a changin'.

I better qualify this by saying that I am not a racist. I have friends of several nationalities and most races and definitely believe in live and let live. I will say that in visiting over 50 countries, the only time that I have ever left a country with a negative impression of the people was in India. Yet I do not have a problem with Indians in general - it was just that it seemed that almost every Indian that I experienced in India was to out to lighten my wallet in one way or another. Oh yeah, can't say that I very much enjoy the constant calls to buy a suit from the tailors that line the streets of Bangers and the Big P either.

If you go back several months, when Dredge used to actually post on this blog, you'll see that Martini had started to attract what many might consider undesirables - Africans. More specifically West Africans.

While not a racist, I do reserve the right to make generalizations and I certainly will here. Every West African that I have met here has been up to no good. The one that moved in up above me a couple of years ago and failed to pay his rent after one month is a prime example.

I also recall talking to a black guy from San Francisco in Martini a couple of months ago and he hated the fact that locals could not tell him apart from Africans. He certainly did not want to be labeled as one.

Going back to the previous blogs, Dredge had written about the influx of them to Martini. Regardless of what you think about them, most other westerners have a negative perception (see "scams") and that alone makes their patronizing certain establishments not good for business.

As their populations were increasing at Martini, Dredge and others pointed this out to Team JC and while they generally seem to allow all comers there, they must have dealt with it in some manner as the issue went mostly away.

This past weekend saw quite a few of them, and its been building over the last few months. Congregating at the entrance to the dancefloor and, from what the GF tells me, much more so inside. So much so that it made her uncomfortable to be in there. She walked in once and turned around and came straight back out, never to return that night. She's a local girl and if the local girls are uncomfortable in there, they'll go elsewhere and so will the men. She later went out to see someone by the front entrance and came back with the same complaint.

Team JC are nice guys, but this is something that they need to address or possibly suffer the consequences of lost business. As I said, this has always been my favorite place and it remains so to this day. However, I caught myself on Saturday not minding when the GF wanted to head off to Walkabout earlier than usual. Something that I would usually never do because I love to ogle the late night V's sitting on the pond wall. But there was not one to be seen on Saturday night. Coincidence? Could be.

If you know and see Team JC, let them know what effect this might be having on their business...or don't. Up to you.

Having said that, Sharkey's had a bevy of girls that I had never seen before and by far, the two hottest girls of the night. I have also noticed that people are staying in the bar later. Who or what is to attribute that to, I don't know. But if you're out later and think it might be too late to stop in there, it might be worth a quick look to check it out. Tell the Sensitive Dough Boy that Khmerican sent ya! Maybe he'll buy you a drink! Better yet - maybe he'll buy ME a drink!!!

And Walkabout has also been doing well. The female clientele has certainly lost the Skankabout reputation and there's always at least one tasty morsel there at most times of the day/night. Hope the New-Old Manager continues to clean the place up - there's still a ways to go, but it certainly has not affected my attendance at the place, nor does it appear, others. Late night attendance has also been well - at least on the weekends, when I don't have to get up the next day and go to work.

Looking for Lady-Drink Bar updates. Ain't gonna come from me. Although many of my friends frequent them, I despise them. When I moved here, one of the things that I enjoyed was that I did not have to play the game of "What do you drive?" What do you do?" How much are you going to spend on me?" to get laid. So why the f*#$ would anyone want to come to Cambodia and patronize a place where you're only as good as the last lady-drink that you bought? If you're not buying over-priced, sometimes not-what-you-ordered (is that shot of Tequila just a soft drink?) lady drinks, often you are not shit and you might not be welcome by management.

That's my opinion. As stated, many of my friends frequent the places often and are quite happy with them. But they're not for me.

It Has Begun

2008-06-26T18:51:00.001+07:00

30 days!

That's how far off we are from the national election here in Cambodia.

And that's when campaigning can officially begin here.

And it has in earnest.

This morning there are posters posted on almost any available wall in my neighborhood.

Loudspeakers are blaring throughout the neighborhood.

Traffic on Norodom blocked by demonstrators lining both sides of the street.

Lunchtime saw intersections block by convoys of trucks loaded with supporters.

Don't try to get anywhere quickly.

Much todo for an election that should be a cakewalk for HS and the CPP. But maybe that will only add to the potential for unrest.

I haven't really given it much thought because the CPP seems so firmly entrenched. However, the V GF is already asking if we can get out of town for the election. Seems the bamboo grapevine over at Phsar Kandal is getting worked up over it.

Stay tuned...

By the way, who am I to complain? I am, after all, an American with the charade of an election process that has been on for over a year and still has more than 4 months to go!

There's a New Sheriff in Town!

2008-06-09T20:09:00.000+07:00

Over at Sharkey's, the former CA2 Beachcomber has decided to take a dip in the water and join the management team at Sharkey's. Actually, he's trying to make a splash.

He's got high aspirations to make a good thing even better and it is already noticeable as he's actually getting the staff to be attentive to the customers. Good luck finding all of their hiding places though.

He's currently implementing subtle physical changes but keep your eyes open over the coming days and weeks for his ideas aimed at giving the place a much-needed boost.

My idea? Import some of these shark infesters:

Speaking of CA2, if you haven't already seen it, Jim has written a nice parting shot in this month's Pearnik - http://www.bayonpearnik.com/. Download it and see page 4.

And finally, where have all the CA2 girls gone? Not sure of many but Akea has now joined Jim at Sharkey's, Chantou1 is over at Gym Bar, Metha has moved over to Ade's new place, Monsoon, on St. 104, and Lin and Rota are on the daytime staff at Tony's near central market. Personally cannot give any other reason to visit Tony's other than to see these two as they sell their local beers for $1.50 and Marlboro's for a whopping $1.75. Usually only bars with a gimmick - G.I.R.L.S. - can get away with selling their beer for that price but no where asks so much for a pack of smokes! I suppose the best option would be to give 'em up...tomorrow!

Anybody Still Here?

2008-05-26T18:29:00.000+07:00

2008-04-04T12:38:00.002+07:00

From today's Cambodia Daily...

Jewelry theft, home burgleries, traffic accidents and house fires typically increase, as people leave home to pay their religious respects and visit relatives.

Hmmm. So is it the religious values or the visiting of relatives responsible for the snatch-fest? Just a simple question.

Priceless?

2008-03-26T18:48:00.000+07:00

Gas for the bike: 4900R/liter

Asahi/Anchor: $15-$16/case

Rice: $40/50kg (up from $25 last month)

Cooking gas: $27-$35/15kg (up from $18 last month)

Living in Cambodia: PRICEY!!!

For everything else, there's:

What the hell is going on?!?!

Sure, property prices are way up but the local rice farmer is not buying property.

A local restaurateur says that the beer distributors have not increased their prices but try getting an $11 case of Anchor in Phnom Penh – they still were available in Sihanoukville as of a couple of weeks ago.

Today’s Daily, said that “gas importers…expressed surprise that retail prices had reached such heights given the prices they were charging distributors.”

By the way, in the same article a spokesman for Total said that they just recently raised their price from $18 to $21. So if you need cooking gas, it appears that Total is the place to go (or at least it was before the article was published).

Also in today’s Daily, HS claimed that Cambodia has a rice surplus and blamed anti-government elements for economic sabotage (not blaming the barang this time?). He also denied that he was planning to set rice prices at 5000R/kg (I had previously heard 4000R and that he was aiming for $2 a liter gas).

So who’s making all of the money here? And how the hell is Joe Khmer going to survive? Oh yeah, simply steal a few more motorbikes (Did you see last week that Infinity Insurance had to issue a public apology for running an advert saying that 40 bikes are stolen each day in PP? The PP Police Chief came out and said that only 3 motos were stolen in February, and that’s down from the 10 stolen in January! Amazing what comes out of the mouths of babes!).

Soon enough I might have to shut my piehole to those of you that I have been accusing of paying too much for your furpie…yesterday’s price might be tomorrow's bargain!

Monday Night's Alright for Fighting

2008-03-18T18:55:00.017+07:00

Happy St Patty's Day!

All things considered it was an entertaining if not traditional night out with Power Ranger and Cockarot Dundee. Since Rory's, Wooley Rhino and their ilk were packed with dick swinging revelers, alot of the girlie haunts were mostly Y chromosome free. Acid Jazz at Hooters (Pussycat Bar) started off the evening and made it hard to leave the music was so good.

Where is it written that every bar has to spin the same tedious mix of threadbare hip-hop at voice coil busting volume? Nice call gals, I'll be back. Or perhaps I should say nice choice.

While discussing where Dundee should tie his kangaroo down and boil his billy, he had the great idea of strapping on the feed bag over at P-Cat's sister establishment, Rose Bar. A succulent steak and equally mouth watering eye candy provided a lusty repast. Once again, we were rewarded with great music at conversational volume. Great food, good tunes, fantastic view... what's not to like?

An interesting little bar further down the street is "Bunny Bar" characterized by the playboy graphics gracing the walls. Lacking aircon or good lighting it has kind of a open garage bar feel without scores of dudes vying for all the female attention. There's a laptop with a wonky version of Windoze Media Player, a few swapped around keys (QWERTY is QWERTZ), and a nearly useless mouse that will test your Buddhist tolerance. While queuing up a playlist an errant poltergeist in the machine wiped out my carefully chosen selections.... 4 times. Still, everything considered not a bad little place.

Recalling good reco's from DonBong, the godfather himself, a unanimous decision was reached to swing by the big M to see what's changed. Arriving on fumes I filled up on the corner to the tune of $19!! Once inside I was pleased to see not much has changed at all. Plenty of scenery, african playaz frightening the local girls, Pattaya garbagemen, and best of all the same god-fearing drink prices and quantities. (At $2 for a very stiff cocktail, the big M along with Cali 2 remains #1 in value IMHO)

We were enjoying the show on the dance floor when a few words were exchanged between a couple westerners. They went their seperate ways for a few minutes before getting reacquainted, this time with fists flying. After a pile of mixed gender humanity collapsed to the floor, Dundee and Ubercon thought it might be the Christian thing to do if we pulled a few innocent girls from the scrum. I grabbed a slender brown arm sticking out of the mess and started pulling until she was on her feet. As soon as she was freed from the flying limbs she dived back in for more. Sorry honey, I forgot about that Khmer penchant for pugalism. Security arrived and a follicly challenged gentleman was escorted off the premises.

Maybe he should pal up with FatCat, sounds like he's been on a tear lately too....

Just More Rambling

2008-03-16T17:26:00.012+07:00

GOING, GOING…

Soon to be gone!

Been to Sihanoukville lately? If you liked it as it was, you’d better get down there quickly!
Sokha beach was privatized years ago, and part of Victory beach was taken away not too long ago. And Hawaii beach was also slotted for development long ago and that is now proceeding.

Now Independence beach is completely fenced off ala the riverfront in Phnom Penh, and so is the end of Ochheuteal beach where the fishing village used to be. That was bulldozed a couple of weeks ago by a Cambodian-American lawyer who is also an assistant to a Senate and local political party President. According to the Daily, the lawyer said, “’Municipal governor of Sihanoukville Say Hak said I had no permission, it’s true,’” and he went on to explain that “he needed to bulldoze the houses first so as to know the size of ‘the exact area before obtaining permission’” to bulldoze!

Ahhh, perfect logic in this country!

And the shop owners on Otres got a reprieve after being given a week to vacate their premises. The initial eviction order was overturned after a protest in Phnom Penh, but they are to be “inspected” again in April. Any bets as to pass/fail on this one?

So that leaves part of Ochheuteal – the old golf course is now taken over by Sokha where they

plan to put up another resort with private beach – and Serendipity. How long do you think these will last as they are? In August of 2007, the PP Post reported the following:

Cambodia’s most popular seaside area with foreign and domestic tourists, Ochheuteal Beach, will be completely overhauled and redesigned beginning in 2008, top municipal and tourism officials said on August 3.

Judging by renderings obtained by the Post, the new Ochheuteal area is one of sidewalks, car parks and concrete palm-lined promenades – a far cry from the laid-back, populist playground that exists today.

And finally, the airport expansion and upgrade has been given the go-ahead and it is slated to be the largest airport in Cambodia. And all along, we were worried about the Pattaya Trash!

GONE

You PPTV subscribers no longer need be so jealous of us CCTV subscribers. Sometime over the last couple of days we lost our HBO and Cinemax, which have replaced with the Hallmark Channel and TrueSport 3. Just what we needed - another 24-hour soccer channel.

FALSE ALARM. Our beloved "premium" channels have reappeared and we are no longer subjected to Hallmark and TS3. What was that all about?

STACKED

Pronunciation: \stakt\
Function: adjective
of a woman : having large breasts

Sorry kids…not referring to THAT definition. Let’s try again:

Function: verb
transitive verb
1 b: to pile in or on

Now that we know what it means, let’s see what it looks like:

We’ll at least according to Flavour’s in Phnom Penh. A couple of torn up slices of ham with one on the top does not quite “stack” up to Khmerican’s definition of stacked, but for $4.25, what does one expect? (A hell of a lot more!!!).

WHO’S AFRAID OF THE EXPAT?

Seems that your average stiu no longer is.

Been a tough couple of weeks for some of Cambodia’s expat population.

Two weeks ago, at about midnight on a Tuesday night, the PG PowerRanger was heading along Monivong from the big M to WA, with his little tart in tow. He heard a distinct smack from the back of the bike and turned to see several motos with two-astride Khmer boys there. It seems that they had swatted his girl’s arse. When he looked forward, there were another couple of bikes along side of him forcing him off of the road. Afetr a bit of a chase, he finally make his way to the front of WA and the pricks pull right up with him. One yama-head goes off insisting that the PGPR had hit his bike, although there was no sign of any damage. He makes a couple of weak attempts at getting violent, even after the PGPR is joined by a few of PP’s bigger expats. After a lot of lifting of phones to the ear with the “I’m going to call my guy” threat, the expats walk inside and the stius take off. But a little concerned that these pricks would be so brazen.

Then a few nights later, the PG Gynecologist had his locked 250cc, which was parked directly in front of his humble abode door, stolen from behind a locked gate. Granted there was a small walk-though portion of the gate that was not locked – but was very difficult to fit this size of a bike through – and it was between midnight and 2:00a.m. on a Friday night, but it still happened in a usually secure area with a bike that is almost never parked outside.

Straps were tied through the padlock holes of his door and the neighbor’s door in case they were awakened and attempted to get out and apprehend the f@ckers.

Inquiries to the dozen+ moto-dops parked outside got no responses, even with a $150 payout to anyone who could tell of the whereabouts of the bike. And a trip to the police station around the corner got one copper up, but the other said to come back the next day. Thanks guys.

By the way, Khmers have said that the way to deal with a situation like this in the future is to go to the local police and tell them that you will pay half of the bike’s value for its return…but this must be done soon after the loss as the bike is shipped out of town shortly after the theft.

Last week saw two other barangs roughed up in attempts to steal their rented motos in Snookey. Neither targets are small men, but CD is actually a large individual that you might think local punks would avoid. Apparently they were armed with sticks and other weapons and got a few licks in before getting away with the moto.

The other brave new target was able to fend off his attackers, and it is said that the police had to get him off of one of the guys that he was beating on. No bike loss for this chap.

Finally, not Khmer related, our own local Dick Weber responded to a knock on his door on Thursday night by receiving a knock on his noggin. Seems another expat was looking for someone else and head-butted then attacked Weber. Word is that the attacker was packing a couple of blades, although they were never used. Police eventually showed up and perp was hauled off to the Monkey House, were he is rumored to remain at this time. Further rumor says that perp and victim were later locked in a room together – you know, let’s just see what happens if – and perp profusely apologized to Weber. Last rumor is the perp was well perked up on something.

The more things change in Cambodia, the more they remain the same.

Oh shit, almost forgot the best of the rest. Don’t recall which day it was but the Fat Cat got himself 86-d and banned from Walkabout. Not an easy task, but he was up to it. Apparently thrown out a few times, he still wanted to have a go of it with the security guard before Drama Queen stepped in and saved his hide. (Why didn’t you leave him alone boy?)

The Connoisseur then proceeded to drive down to CA2 where, after weebling and wobbling and moaning and groaning for a bit, he sat down and polished off a “mates” curry. Then spent the next few moments spitting part of it back up before sprawling himself out across the sofa. CA2J had to come out and nearly dump him on to the ground before he perched himself upright again. By this time, a tough-gutted Aussie and Brit had already departed due to this nasty sight, and oddly enough the Drunken Mechanic and the Finnish Frankenstein became the voices of reason in trying to get the bloke to shape up. Eventually, he was enough to even run them off.

Word was he later made his way to a brave new world…wonder how he’d like it if aome of us Barged in on his place with this kind of f%cked up attitude.

Rumor also is that he got a brave new ass kicking a few weeks before for similar actions.

And I thought his problem was with all us Yanks and us just not understanding the British sense of humor.

DA BEACH

Did just get back from another nice holiday in Sihanoukville. As I have said, things are a changing down there.

Construction is going on at the burned down market and most vendors appear to have moved to the newer market behind there.

The guy next to me on the beach claimed to have had his camera stolen on Sunday so nice to know that the jows are still hard at work there.

Snake Pit had one hot dancer and several could-not-be-bothered-to-do-anthing-other-than-get-you-your-drink girls hanging out. The beer bar complex sure looks nice but not too much going on there. Pacino’s, back in the back does have 6 or 7 chickies in there, and even a couple that the Khmerican would not have minded having a little roll with, if it weren’t for the V-girl by my side and the $10 bar fine.

Freedom still has it’s assortment of girls, some looking rather haggard, but again, a couple that this boy wouldn’t have kicked out too quickly.

Reports are of not much quality at Outback, but steady and reliable service up on the mountain.

A ride by the Frog bars on the Hill seemed a bit busy, but I have never cared much for the scene there.

Finally, biggest disappointment of the trip was the much-anticipated, always-loved, Corner Bar pizza. Price was up a bit – no problem as it’s always been a bargain – but the quality of the one pizza that I had had gone way down. I used to love the pizza for the loads of cheese that was on it, but this time it was no different from any unhappy pizza from any of the happy pizza – short on the cheese and a thin and crisp crust. Bad enough that I did not return for another go, as I usually do, so maybe it was a one-off.

But I DID have a delicious Pizza Company pizza last night. I know, I know…but I did not order it. V-girl wanted it and I made her do the calling. But damn it was good!

ONE OF THE BEST

You've seen them. The f*cked up instructions on various items written by Asians that just don't make any sense.

We'll, I think that I have found my favorite. I was sitting down enjoying my dinner the other day when I happened to take notice of a hot water heater that we have had for about a year.

Not sure why it didn't catch my eye before, but it does at just about every meal now.

Have a better one?

Not Really Worth The Wait

2008-02-26T14:28:00.022+07:00

KRUSTY THE CLOWN

Know him? Well, the Khmer version seems to be an organization, not a person.

What’s up with The Pizza Company???

The last several times that I have ordered from them, I have been informed that the Pan crust is not available – only the Crisp crust. OK on occasion, but part of the reason that I have considered this the best pizza in Cambodia is the crust.

A couple of weeks ago, the whole crust crap came to a head. My menu shows two types of crusts – Pan and Crisp. So when I placed the order for my pizza and the monkey asks what type of crust would like, I am excited! They must have Pan crust! I then tell him Pan crust and he tells me, “Sorry sir, Pan crust finished".

I want to get a bit of pleasure out of this whole thing and I ask him what kind of crust I can have. “Crisp crust OK Sir?” I ask him what my options are and he does not understand. I tell him that if there is no Pan crust then I can only have Crisp crust. “Sorry sir, no have Pan crust,” and it all begins over again (guess he wanted to have some fun as well).

Finally I tell him that I’ll take the Crisp crust. Long pause and, “Sorry sir, no have Crisp crust.” WTF??? So I ask him if what I am hearing is that I can order a pizza as long as I do not want the crust. No answer – he does not understand. I try to tell him that since they have no Pan crust and no Crisp crust, I can only have pizza without crust. He then starts the whole thing over again explaining to me that they no have Pan or Crisp crust.

Stop it already!!!!

I will NEVER order pizza from The Pizza Company again! Only Pizza World and Chez Dim - if you have not already, give them a shot.

On the subject of great pizzas, I certainly hope that nothing changes if and when CornerBar Mark unloads the Corner Bar and his pies. Always makes that ride down that much better knowing that you'll be treated to one of those delights.

IT'S ALL ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS

If you’re a nappy-headed, pony-tailed, dick-smokin, wirey Brit with something up your ass, don’t start bitchin to the Khmerican and PNik (also a Brit) at the BigM about your American boss, who happens to be a friend of the two, then insist that PNik is Broken Dave (the only similarity there is that they are both rather vertically challenged), then wander off to YourLien where PNik is enjoying the rest of the evening with SAndy and DonBong, and start spouting off about what shite Yanks are and just as much so, the Brits that hang with them, because you’re gonna get your ass kicked…BY THE BRIT…TWICE!!!

You twat!

All that’s left for us to do is relay your remarks to your always-too-happy-to-kick-some-ass, oversized boss and you’ll be out of a job and the rest of your hair and teeth.

HOLIDAY REVISITED

(Twenty-five official holidays this year in Cambodia, so those of you that get paid for them - enjoy!)

Yeah, we're long beyond them but some kudos need to go out.

Anyway, Fat Boy and Taco were quite busy. Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas boat cruise dinner, and Christmas eve dinner. Just how many Turkeys this country handle?

Well, an excellent job done each time and an extra credit goes to Taco for ensuring that the boys working at CA2 didn’t miss out.

The Christmas boat cruise was a great time – thank you Adam and other sponsors – with several revelers not ready to get off of the boat after a 5+ hour tour. Usually 3 hours is more than enough. Khmerican rarely partakes of the herb, but he chose to this time. He knew it had done its job when he was looking at the local families fishing from their boats/huts on the river and thought that really is the way that life was supposed to be lived – maybe that’s the real reason that he is in Cambodia. Of course, a clearer(or not) mind prevailed the next day and I am still in the relative luxury of my secure flat.

Speaking of the fishing boats, I must say that I am quite disappointed in the arm of the KCKid as I believe that my Grandmother, who died at the age of 94 more than 7 years ago, has a better arm than he does. You really should be ashamed of yourself!

Not to say that big man AAAC’s arm was any better. For that big of a boy, I certainly hope he makes up for it elsewhere!

Still on the holidays, I did make it down to the coast for the new year. As usual, was not ready to return to PP, but just had to. It was a blast and makes me wonder why I ever bothered with Bokor when that was going off.

An absolute barrage of fireworks on Ocheteul from at least 9:30 on.

And speaking again of the beach, is it just horny old me or are the girls at the beach looking better? Upon first visit in 2000, EVERY chickie wore full gear into the water – jeans, shirt, iron-clad bra, etc. Now, there’s so many more shorts cruising around, not to mention the bathing suits.

Having a bite before heading back to PP, Khmerican was drooling over all of the little brown-eyed girls wandering around in their sexy attire. No mistaking the place for the Big P across the border, but I like the way things are going.

And Rosie is back after an almost fatal accident last year. She's no longer on the hill but is now in the Christmas Bungalows just down from Golden Lions circle towards the Golden Sands Hotel, I believe it is called.

If you haven't been there before, you'll get great portions of tasty food for a very nice price. And if you've got a V in tow with you, even better as she'll fix up some nice Viet food for her.

Welcome back Rosie!

Last thing about the holidays - Khmerican was thinking that he was a bit lucky this year as V-girl did not return to the Delta for Tet. Lucky because it saved him some money. But then again, it's usually the one time a year that the Khmerican can enjoy some freedom. So how lucky was I. What would you be willing to pay for a week of F-R-E-E-D-O-M???

unLUCKY

About a week ago I rolled by Lucky Market on Sihanouk to pay a special visit to the little Blue Spot. When I came down, the place was relatively empty (it WAS 7:30 a.m.) so I decided that now was a good time to sign up for the unLucky Membership Reward card. You see, although I despise these things, the little Viet that lives with me keeps telling me about all of the great things that we are missing out on. Spend $20 and you get something like a $2 voucher for Lucky Burger – wooh-hoo!

So I go to the counter and announce that I would like to sign up for a card.

“You have receipt, sir?”

“No, no have receipt.”

“Oooo, I’m sorry sir.”

“Do I need receipt?”

“Yes sir. I’m sorry sir.”

“But I just want to sign up for a card…fill out application.”

“Oooo, sorry sir. You need receipt”

“So there’s no way for me to sign up for a card without a receipt?”

Pause…"Sorry sir. Cannot.”

The Viet wants the card, she can go get it herself.

New Kid On the Chopping Block

2008-02-12T01:36:00.001+07:00

There's a new addition to the nightime scene in the form of a young short and pudgy Khmer-Australian returnee. The angry cherub with a Napoleon complex has terrorized at least two expat bars in the past week. His escapades include intimidation, inflated claims, gross verbal insults towards the local girls, and outright threats towards anyone western or not who may interfere with his tantrums. He claims to be connected and travels with at least one bodyguard, who apparently followed him around tonites unlucky establishment apologizing for his behaviour.

So far, the western retort has been tolerance and submission, the way most of this country we love responds to dicks. But this little punk is about one more appearance away from a beating he's not had since grade school back in Oz.

If he's such a powerful guy it's a bit cryptic why he gets his squat little dumpling of a frame kicked out of every Khmer establishment he tries to pull his shit in. And to the western guy who introduced him to our few little bars away from all that privelaged bullshit... WTFuck dude? Next time take him to Manhattan ait?

Hey junior. In case you happen to come across this, listen carefully. Many places on most nights you will get away with it. But tonite you were about 2 guys away from getting your hair washed in the toilet bowl of a place where there's no way your babysitter can possibly take care of a bunch of foreigners in the middle of tourist season.

Careful out there son. For a kid who can't hold his liquor or his tongue, you're on quite a roll and inches away from sticking your finger up the wrong persons kulo. And unless I miss my guess it will probably be the real Khmer deal when you do.

NICE KIDS FROM HELL

Another in a string of nights at the big M and for the most part, it's been pretty good. Although nearly every night it seems a few Kao San Roadians decide to dance and end up claiming the entire floor sending the girls scuttling to safer harbour. Last night one of the teetotallers dropped his (empty) beer glass causing further disruption while it's cleaned up. Make a note kids, if you're going to send everyone running for cover, at least buy something. Or better yet, just go straight to Heart or Howies and leave the big M to us degenerates.

And to all you guys recently evicted from Thailand or your home countries, take note:

Wear a freaking shirt for god sake and keep it buttoned. What you have, nobody wants to see. (But Japanese whalers would LOVE to make your acquaintance)

If you wear a shirt, (especially a see through mesh with "Eminem" on the front) change it at least once a week, and ask your equally glum friend to button his up. You know who you are.

If you're over 30, bustin a move by your lonesome near the dance floor aint cool. If you're over 50, it's way not cool. Somehow if you're over 80 though, you'll rule, as long as you're wearing a shirt with sleeves and manage to not crack a hip.

BEER PRICES

For the second time in 3 months Shanghai increased the price of Asahi from $1.25 to $1:50. Thats a 50% increase in 3 months kids. Time to start investigating other options

Rose Bar's owner is opening up Pussycat Bar and Cafe on 136 street on the 16th of Feb featuring, get this, Filipina girls! Better start polishing up my english.

Solex Season

2008-01-08T19:37:00.000+07:00

Yesterday was officially Victory Over Genocide Day. Commemorating true KR spirit, Phnom Penh citizens celebrated by sliding into a spree of thieving not rivalled since those bandits in black took over the countryside over 30 years ago.

Fellow ghetto incumbent Buddy Holly was taking a nap around suppertime. Well scrubbed Khmer youth peers through the curtain mimicking a phone call while his weaselly little pal sat on the getaway bike. After pushing Buddy's bike away from his front door weasel #1 inserts a key, fires it up and leaves in broad daylight.

An hour later next door neighbour emerges from her lair. After warning her about the state of neighbourhood security she relays her story of how someone just tried to grab her phone out of her hand out on the main street.

Two beers later news comes in about a shootout near Prey Sar prison involving three moto theives and police. The outcome was not surprising.

Yes, with 2 million visitors last year and that number expected to grow another 20% this year, we appear to be in the thick of the annual bag snatching, chain grabbing, sticky fingered marte gras that is the Cambodian tourist season.

So lock up your shit and pay attention.

All I want for Xmas...

2007-12-31T01:00:00.000+07:00

Before .............

is my two front teeth.

And that's what I have, and I've never been happier.

Mere days after healing up from, admittedly, a self inflicted biking mishap that also went poorly for riding pal H. Grant Esq., I was acquanted with what must have been one of His other commandments, probably somewhere in the teens:

"as thee ride through the valley of the shadow of death, maintain thy speed, lest bro-steo scream up from behind and smite thee"

One moment, riding peacefully down an empty Sihanouk approaching the monument, the next flying through the air before rolling to a stop and peeling my freshly skinned carcass from the pavement. Ten feet away is my ride and 20 feet more are the remnants of some faggy newer model scooter and its equally gender ambiguous passengers; one on his feet nursing a very bloody melon and the other face down, laid out like a platter of sashimi and almost as active.

......................After

Note: chicken-like hairdoos don't seem to offer much in the way of skull protection, then again there's usually not much worth protecting. (Oddly enough, somehow my hair never looked better... and that's a shame.)

The Mob assembles as I survey what's left of my skin and bike. Every piece of fresh of scar tissue is scrubbed off and then some, as well as an outstretched hand-sized patch over the left love handle. The Blue Bomber's kickstand is snapped in two and the left peg is bent 90 degrees forward under the frame. Somehow, the right one sustained a similar fate. The little bastards must have been flying.

My attention turns to The Mob who I'm shocked to learn are on my side, stating that the sheepish and bloody fuckface 10 feet away was completely at fault in their opinion. So "don't worry, but it might be a good idea to leave soon if you can" was the friendly advice offered which I immediately heeded. After pushing my fucked up ride 20 painful minutes back to the pad and another 20 of agonizing scrubbing under the shower, I rolled up in a couple fresh towels and collapsed to finish off the evening's festivities.

Bro steo and their giggly witless ilk are I guess what happens when you add a cell phone and a cheap scooter to ignorant but up-and-coming (at least over their male friends) city dwelling 20-something simians. I no longer fear RCAF plated SUV's, at least their drivers seem to have learned a few road manners and a modicum of common sense along the way. But when Jethrow and the rest of the BoengKak Hillbillies share a beer and a bag of cheap pills while out for a night on the town, take cover. I'm sure the locals will sort it out eventually, one way or another. Just wonder what that tribunal will end up costing when the final tally comes in.

Oh, and Happy upcoming New Year!

Need a resolution? Click Here

Happy &@#$&% Holidays!

2007-12-16T15:01:00.000+07:00

SKINT
It’s what you become when you have a girlfriend in Cambodia. So learn from my experience and just DON’T DO IT!!!

Where the hell were we?

Karma
Do you believe in it? I usually do, but with the way things are going for me lately (I THINK I’m a good guy), where is my good karma???

When I last wrote, I told you about the girl getting hit by little-big-man. Well, who knows what has become of him, and who really cares?

But the girlie that he hit has had a bit of luck since then. That whole ordeal happened on a Sunday night. The following Tuesday, she won the grand prize at the WA pool tournament – a nice little $25 bar tab.

Things didn’t end there. Three nights later, she makes her weekly pilgrimage to the WA Joker Draw. You guessed it, her number is drawn and bang…she turns the Joker! $1,500+ in cold hard cash (well, US Dollars, but they are still worth something in this country). She is kind enough to throw an after party party – after the WA “$500” party – and buys a bottle of Vodka, Whiskey, OJ, several cans of Red Bull, a few beers, and several plates of food. All in, a pay back to those that stuck around of $130. Nice gesture (are you reading this you Welsh prick that won $8,000+ and shouted not one frickin thing?!?!).

Not finished yet, after trying to decide what to do with such a windfall (buys jewelry, buys gold, sells gold..), she decides to buy a moto for $950. Moto is already registered and has plates so she plays the plate number on the lottery and wins another $70!

Finally, next Tuesday she’s the winner of the losers at WA and gets another $15 bar tab.

Cute side on this, boyfriend (on the advice of DQDTJ) tells her that his mother’s buffalo died and could she buy her a new one. Without much hesitation, girl asks, “How much is buffalo is USA?”

Only real loser here is the boyfriend, who is wondering why all he got out of the deal was a measly few beers, and within 2 weeks, she had her hand out again for what-ever-the-fuck her relatives (or local boyfriend) “needed” it for! I told you, DON’T DO IT!

Bon Om Tuk
I believe a good time was had by all – well, with the exception of the 5 water-logged Singaporeans. Just how do supposedly skilled rowers drown in a river like the Tonle Sap? Not like it is a raging river. And over 24 hours later, the bodies hadn’t even been dragged as far as the Mekong – they were still in the Tonle Sap near the FCC and the Cambodiana.

Worse yet was the Khmer that apparently drowned. Only know of this from the one-small-paragraph mention in the Daily that said that they pulled him out near the Cambodiana with a couple of Singaporeans. Guess locals really don’t matter

And is it my imagination of are the province girls HOT these days?!?!?! Note to self, get the hell out of PP a bit more!

Lockdown!

Heee’s Baaack!

Time to lockdown your young (but of-age) chickies, as the Mighty PG Power Ranger has returned from his visit to the ‘rents in Blandcaster. No little hottie is safe, so keep your eye (and hands) on your favorite(s), or he’ll be sure to snatch them from you!

By the way, his first night back in town was spent defacing PG coverboys and then promptly passing out on his bed, doors (and drawers?) wide open! Obviously does not take much to out-do Blandcaster.

Welcome back Power Ranger.

Job wanted

Want a (new) job, better paying work, or an even-more successful business? Apparently all you have to do is contribute to this blog. Several contributors have had just that happen, and we can only assume that’s why they never fucking post anymore

Holiday season is here and everyone’s got their shit going on. 12 Beers of Christmas is right around the corner…or is it? And are they going across the river or aren’t they. Changes daily so keep your ears open!

Sharky birthday dinner on the 21st. Still hoping there’ll be a repeat of the party like the one 2 year’s ago, but chances seem slim. Who in attendance has stopped talking about that one?

Rumor of a boat cruise this weekend, but I guess that I am out of the loop, so tell me all about it.

And it looks like the annual pilgrimage out of town for a new years celebration is on hold for the Khmerican this year. That in addition to the rest of these functions. “What’s up with that” you ask. Because I am SKINT!!! My money flows down the river towards Vietnam faster than any Southeast Asian does!

DON’T DO IT!!!

Merry Fucking Christmas...go ahead and celebrate...it’s not just about JC anymore!!!

Peak Performance and Safe Sex...what is the connection?

2007-11-29T02:23:00.000+07:00

Peak Performance from the rowing teams has always been an issue during the River Festival boat races. Rowers from the provinces apparently "give it there all" often times way before they begin stroking their paddles in the boats. Opting to stroke other things instead and being left drained empty before their big day on the water. But rest assured the government is aware of this and the Ministry of Sports & Ministry of Health combine efforts to get the most out of the members of the boat crews...safely!

Mafia Activities

2007-11-22T15:35:00.000+07:00

The City is filling up with Water Festival revelers as I write. Picture a Cambodian NASCAR race - expanded to about 3 million hillbillies. Yeeaahhh - "Tis the season for millions of up-country bumpkins to hit the big city. They stay, they drink, they gamble, they gawk at the tall buildings and the barangs. But hey,...sometimes they bring along their daughters and nieces (18 and older, please..) to help finance the trip. Others finance the trip by stealing shit.

Mob 1 - Thief 0:
Stealing didn't work out so well for one dude last night. Got done by an angry mob who beat the shit out of him with sticks and bricks. Apparently, this is only the 4th time this has happened in 2007. 4th time?? Others ask, "Where the hell are the Police?!" The question is:

Where the hell are the angry mobs?!?!

Opening Night at the Riverside Night Market:
Unfortunately, stealing doesn't always end with a mob stomping the shit out of some asshole who deserves it. Stealing worked out fine for one dude who saw a big Aussie with a back-pack and said, "YES." Took an exacto blade to the bag and slice - off went her wallet. She found out when she went to buy an over-priced wicker basket. But the bag-slasher wasn't the only one fucking up the program.

The Cops Do Their Part:
Tourists at the riverside cafes and restaurants. Enchanted by sights and sounds of a charming and exotic land get treated to the country's most popular sport. Cops with batons beating the crap out of poor people. Yes, in front of a riverside full of visitors, they cleared away public menaces like corn and sugar cane vendors WITH GUSTO. Take THAT old lady! Whack! More where that came from WOMAN-HOLDING-BABY...For their trouble, the cops ran off with the cane machines and steamed corn carts and hauled them off to the station for ransom.

With effort, cane and corn ladies and their crying children were subdued. Right on cue, a little Jap 2-seater with RCAF plates painted in garish yellow-orange tiger stripes with the words, "MAFIA ACTIVITIES" painted on the door zoomed past.

New Mexico lies: This is the LAND OF ENCHANTMENT.

Another Weekend in PP

2007-11-20T16:05:00.000+07:00

“Just say…”
Friday night saw Khmerican enjoying post-Joker beers at WA. Once fully juiced for the trip, he decides it is time to depart for M. V-bunny decides she’s had enough and asks Khmerican to drop her off at the pad on the way to M (Khmerican is always happy to oblige the request of allowing him to go to M unencumbered!).

Later in the night, upon exiting the dance floor at M, Khmerican gets a phone call from V-Bunny asking if he had lost his driver’s license. K checks the front shirt pocket and sure enough, it’s gone missing. Seems that upon pulling out his stylish eyewear in front of WA, his DL fell out as well. Motodop calls V-bunny and says that it was found (K suspects security guard) and finder will return it for $10. Message relayed to K. “Tell him to ‘F-off!’”, was his response. V-bunny is astonished by this response and asks K to repeat it. “You heard me…F-off!”

You see, Khmerican hates to be extorted for money, especially by a Khmer, and he’d rather endure the cost of $30 to replace it.

Next day, K has forgotten all about (see "upside down" later in this post) it when V-bunny calls him to inform him that Dop has returned the license to her and she donated $2 to him. Dumbass – if he would have simply told me that he had found it, I would have given him $5 to $10. His loss for being a dickhead.

DO NOT SUPPORT DOP’S TYPE OF BEHAVIOR!

M&M Redux
Saturday night saw the annual thanks-for-putting-up-with-my-ramblings-you-upside-down-drinking-mo-fo’s/top-shelf-wine-blowout/oh-yeah-and-it-also-happens-to-be-my-birthday party for MM of M&M at CA2, catered by Big Al as only he can do.

All seemed to have a good time but MM should be careful when joking about his age, as his dear Srey M (who looked exquisite that evening) bought double nickel candles for the cake. Fortunately, Khmerican discovered this before presentation and Srey M was able to change out one of the 5s with a 4.

King Fisher was last seen clutching tightly to a bottle(s), a sight not seen since he had his claws dug into a Tequila bottle at the original M closing party. Certainly hope he fared better on this night.

Happy Birthday and a big thanks from all of us MM!!! Many, many more!

Pick on Someone your own gender
Sunday was thought to be uneventful until Khmerican showed up and WA and heard of Napoleon exhibiting his fighting prowess. Trouble is, he chose a woman as his victim. Seems that the little-man complex was brought about when Napoleon had lost a game of pool and wanted to play again. Girl tells him “no”, a girl plays first then he can. He protests a bit and when the girl wins, he comes back to play the next game, tells girl something like, “Don’t f*cking talk to me like that,” closes his fist, and next thing she knows, she's eating a knuckle sandwich.

When male WA guests jump to her defense, and she scratches his face and threatens that if he show his face again his days of this life are through, sissy boy retreats to the safety of his own room, never to be seen again that night.

Initial report from Security at WA on Monday was that he checked out early Monday and has not been seen since. Later reports were that he had been evicted.

But he is said that have been looking for a teaching job here, so if any of you educators of the leaders of tomorrow see a late-40’s/early 50’s, short, bald/balding guy, with a problematic half/closed eye and scratches on his face, do not reward this behavior. Scum like this need to be out of Cambodia, and off of this planet.

BTW, apparently Little Man had an episode with the WA Night Manager 1 or 2 nights prior, where all sorts of expletives were streaming from his mouth. Why was this guy still staying at WA? Are there no balls there other than the shriveled peanuts of this guy? We sure do miss you there Bill!

This & That
R-Cat reporting regular losses. Not the SuperLotto variety, but more of the “how could I possibly have spent that much money?” type. Well, R-Cat, if you don’t remember conversing with me the night before, there’s a good chance that you don’t remember all of the R-Pussies scratching at you or with their paws in your pocket. Could also have something to do with that little V that you keep taking home. You know…the one that you keep telling me that you’re not going to take any longer. Could it be that one of the R-Pussies has finally figured out that if she takes a little at a time, she’ll continue to get invited back to the den?

The Canadian Courier is back in town. After a brief resurfacing, the Canadian Couriee/Weasel has once again disappeared, for fear of his physical condition (which is far from a pretty sight). Always a good thing, as others will actually get a chance to get something to eat at the Thanksgiving Day Feast put on by Big Al (with the help of Waco) at Sharkey’s. Welcome back.

And a big shout to KYGreg. After his recent trip to the PI, we found out that there is more than one meaning for the KY in his name. Nothing physical folks, but the AC crew did bend him over and give him a painful one. Hope that you're recovering well and getting a little sympathy from the Thai lasses up in U.T. Hope to see you soon.

Bon OM Tuk this weekend.
Any of you that have not made the wise decision to get out of town for the Water Festival should head on down to CA2 for the fun. There’ll certainly be an assortment of characters there (as there always is) and it’s great fun to watch the province chickies go by...yeah, and the boats too. Watch your bags, pockets, and sanity should you venture down to the riverfront.

Pontoon should be a good location for this as well, but personally, me thinks not my crowd. Good luck to The Connoisseur.

Is it Me?

2007-11-05T15:48:00.000+07:00

Decided to do the town Sunday. For a change, I went to California 2 to kick things off. Dig the Screwdrivers - lots of Vodka. OJ an afterthought. Don't want to be OD'ing on vitamin C. Met up with SOF - fresh from a Balkan guard tower.

California 2:

Watched the end of the Denver - Green Bay game. Good one. Thankfully, KYgreg not there to ruin it by telling us the score. Mellow Aussie showed up. Conversation moved to fish tacos, Slavic sit-coms (not funny - but you laugh when they tell you to...or your whole family dies...), and late night Balkan programming. Right on time - naked chicks...Who needs writers? Hollywood should take note. We lamented the lack of late-night porn on Cambodian TV and decided it was time to move on. Work on the horizon. Big M, tempted, but...

Too early for the Walk(about)....

The Dollhouse:

Always wondered about this place. Now I know: Cuties working the place. Stiff drinks. Good atmosphere. Angry Indian at the bar glaring at me...Probably because I was doing a line in the bathroom at Angry Muppet Bar* one night, and he insisted I get out so some hostess he was playing daddy for could take a leak. Told them both to fuck off and finished my line. Hey man...she can wait 30 seconds for me to finish a line....(Is it me?) Anyway, Dollhouse a good time. Tasty chili-chips beat bar peanuts any day. Noticed a pool table in the back and booze ran about $2.00/vodka. Good company. Good prices. Win.

My Lien:

I'm a heal for not stopping in here more often but My Lien's doing well without my help. Busier than I recall - and it was Sunday night - got some new staff working the place and a good vibe goin' on. Pool table in back; still waiting for the dartboard. Cute little VC behind the counter wearing a sly grin. I love that grin. Mentally undressing better than what was on TV. Even the pregnant chick looking good...yeah pregnant but she's dark and has a tattoo...Right. Time to go. Besides...fuck me (!!).....an early morning looming darkly on the horizon. Gotta get to sleep....

Walkabout:
One more couldn't hurt. Decent crowd for a school night. The Felon looking fine in tight white cocktail dress...diggin' the new hair - make-up combo, and since I have nothing left to steal...Ordered another and thought it over. R-Cat blitzed. All chill at the bar being hawked by a pair of admirers. He still had his cell phone and wallet in his pocket- unless they were already gone. But if they were already gone, then what are the pair still doing there? Enough Sherlock Holmes shit....7 am wake-up call taunting me. One more and out. Sort of...

Taco Shack:
$2 beef burrito a winner. $1 drinks a winner. Outdoor seating a winner. Decided to win. Girl working there doesn't like my new hairstyle. She had to re-work my coif. Too beat to argue. Besides, where else can you get a decent burrito, a vodka, and some help with the hair for $3 at 1am on a Sunday?

Universal. Sunday night's cool. It's Monday morning that sucks.

(*located near the Heart)

Scandianavian Toilet Fascist Foiled

2007-11-02T10:50:00.000+07:00

Since my new work schedule (one that I probably won't stop bitching about...until they can my ass...) I've had to curtail my late-night habits. It sucks. But life goes on:

California 2 Guesthouse:

It couldn't last forever. It didn't. 75 cent beers have risen to a cool DOLLAR . Vodkas to $1.25 and (most) mixed drinks to $1.75. Menu prices inched up as well although...it's still a deal. Beer prices rose November 1st. To ease the transition, beers were .50 all day on Halloween (October 31st.) Some questioned the business acumen of halving beer prices for the day, but magnanimous gestures = good karma. Sales on everything else rose. Day ended deep in the black - and much good will was spread. Look for more not-really-advertised specials.

Why the hike? Theories: Too much CNBC? Raise in the cost of Kamagra? Need to protect against an expected wave of backpacking BKK Lake refugees seeking hair-braiders and cheap beer? Everyone else is doing it?

Also at Cali2:

DrunkenMechanic, CrouchingYoga: PNH's latest street scene, a hairy (and kindda ...filthy) homeless dude known for lounging along the riverside like a reclining Buddha-statue and doing yoga in the alley behind CA2 made a mistake. Asked a tanked-up wrench-head for...a dollar. Mechanic responds with angry insults. YogaMan answers back - with a flying chair. Suddenly drunk mechanic is cowering under a wicker chair and AuzDon is out of his seat trading blows with hairy YogaMan. Who's to blame? YogaMan a peaceful dude - not known for this behavior. Mechanic is. Witnesses: Mechanic's a good guy BUT he should have just said, "NO."
Two 20-somethings out on the town. One pretty cool. The other - a flaming prick. Unbelievable - this dude. Guess which one went home with his teeth. Not sure what he did over at DV8 to get the Khmers worked up enough to beat the shit out of him - TWICE. But people who met him said it was inevitable. In a town full of bastard SOBs...he stood out from the crowd. His friend - shocked. Cambodia a nightmare. Wanted out of this evil place - next mini-bus to Khao San Road - where it's (apparently) safe to be a major-league fool. My heartfelt advice: Tell all your other asshole friends about what an evil place this is. Suggest they try...golfing in Scottsdale or something.
Rooms are booked solid for Water Festival. Whatever - the balconies are only semi-private. So much for getting deep-throated while glazing out at the throngs of villagers who've flocked to the 3-day event...(Not that I've ever put much thought into that...)
Good tidings to KYgregg. Enjoy the Philippines and get back soon.
What caused BigESL to smack DrunkenMechanic in the head and pull him out of his chair?? Usually it's something the mechanic has done. This time, witnesses couldn't figure it out. Let's save the ugliness for times when it's appropriate. It's not like they are at a premium. (See below.)

Sharky Bar:

They raised the price of my booze!!! $2.25 for a vodka with ice??? Food prices went up, too. Because tourists have money? Fine. But - soon there'll be ferns and WiFi. A diaper-changing station in the bathroom. A no-smoking section and zany (family-appropriate) memorabilia on the walls....Maybe the wait-staff can wear stripped shirts with rainbow suspenders and sport wacky buttons that say things like: "Smile and the World Smiles with You!" or "I'd love to Take Your Order!", "Up with people!", and "If I don't Smile, You Get a Free Dessert!"

Thankfully, the place still attracts meltdowns like: The Swedish Toilet Hitler.

Womens bathroom a disaster zone. Don't know what they do in there but I've heard stories. A rancid bio-hazardous zone where even the cleaning staff fears to tread. Hawkeye's Auzzie mate needs a break. Takes one look at the women's room and asks if she can use the stall in the men's room. Common request. Not a problem. Manager watches the door just to make sure there's no problem (there never is) and all's well. Everyone is happy. Except:

Olaf "Champion of Propriety." Adjusts his glasses. Checks his hair. Straightens his pocket protector and Springs forth into action. Storms over to the scene of the crime. Angrily demands to know what a woman' doing in the men's facilities. (Pissing, you fool.) Manager - explains politely. Olaf not hearing it. Jumping up and down, ranting, screaming. Confronts the woman. Woman's mountain of a boyfriend tells him to get lost or lose his teeth. Doesn't register. Hawkeye shows amazing control. Olaf sprints back to the toilet - confronts manager - smacking his hand against the sign. Reads aloud, "MEN", MEN, NOT WOMEN!!! MEN!!! You READ??!! What does it SAY. It SAYS what??!!

Manager had enough. Rips sign off wall and throws it on the floor. Now it doesn't say anything! So fuck off!! Olaf retreats to a table near the A/C and glares for hours at the manager, his friends and everyone else. Olaf forgot his meds. Predictably, his kit-loy arrives and Olaf insists that he's not paying it. Security is called. WIandy tries to smooth things over. Everyone else wants Olaf drowned in a toilet - in the women's room....More glaring. Finally he leaves but the mood of the night was broken.

OLAF: Go back to Pattaya. Never leave. And by the way asshole - you owe everyone a Saturday night. (But hey, you gave me something to write about....)

More soon.

The Foxy & The Damned

2007-10-30T12:48:00.000+07:00

Staying in a lot lately. So when I hit the town the other night, I decided to mix things up a bit. Try something new. Usually it's a money-wasting disaster, but a lot seems to be happening near the river on streets 130 and 136, so I figured I'd check it out.

Happy Man Bar:
Haven't been here in a long time. Happy was still out front with the family and he still knows his customers by name - and drink. Not much had changed - fewer women working and maybe not as many stunners as before, but they made up for it in attitude. I stayed for 2 and even bought a lady drink. So far, so good.

Babylon Bar: (I think)
I heard this place was good. Turns out I was thinking about another place but whatever...It was good. Cuties left and right and the prices. Cool. The usual hostess bar $2.50/vodka. Sleek 'n Sexy parked herself on my thigh and we watched some movie in which Tim Allen turned into a dog and there was a monkey and everytime the monkey did something the girls would break up laughing and Sleek and Sexy would grab the inside of my thigh. I love that monkey. Good time but I was on a mission. 3 and out. Thumbs up on this place.

Flora Bar:
I've been hearing about this place for a while so I decided to check it out. Foxes working the place. Lots. The bartender seemed to know me from somewhere. So did the manager since she smacked me on the back every time she passed by. (Unless she just didn't like the looks of me...very possible.) I was digging the tunes and the girls were very, very on time. I heard right. Flora Bar is a win.

Boggie & Bacall:
I've been wanting to check this place out since WalkngBill and R-Cat got yelled at by the owner for showing up only on Sundays for the drink special. They called him an asshole and continue to show up only on Sundays. What the hell? It's a damn good special: All drinks are $1 - all day.

Anyway - I decided to go. It was OK. Can't argue with the name. Can't argue with the decor. Definitely can't argue with the Sunday drink special.....

BUT...

I can (and did) argue loudly with the gecko-fucking motodop that works out front. Little bastard demanded a $1 for the short ride to Sharky.* And the fucker wouldn't let up!!! Grabbed my arm and we almost had it out in front of Sharky Bar. He got 1000r and my undying hatred. As my tailor completes his voodoo doll,I think about Boggie & Bacall and...what can I say? What I remember most is that little bastard motodop. I spit on him 10,000 times!

So I probably won't bother going back because...really, this town has a hundred little bars just like this one - without the asshole motodop. I've since heard other stories about this dude and ask, Why hassle?

Sharky Bar:
Good crowd in town. 4-eyes, Plunger, Big Chef, Hawkeye, and....a Swedish Toilet Hitler.

(To be continued)

*Note: This would be 500r during the day - 1000r at night...I was even going to give him 1500r because I was loaded and in a good mood. But $? He got 1000r note and my undying enmity. Damn him to hell!!

Androo Spoon-Ur Makes Bank and Other News

2007-10-30T09:51:00.000+07:00

Anonymous Does Cambodia:
Anonymity. It's a 2-way street. PC thug claims to write for Footprint Guidebooks (yawn). Known as Spoon-Ur, he was recently seen, according to a "long-term expat", performing oral sex on a obese Nigerian man in the bathroom of a riverfront bar. "Long-term expat" said Spoon-Ur left a stall, began spitting angrily into the sink, but then smiled and walked off counting a small stack of 500r notes.

Well,...freelancing for Footprint probably don't pay all that well. But the hell with him and his sordid antics, I'd rather talk about the weather.

Rain:

4-day lull in the rain caused some to speculate that it'd be over soon. Fuck that. I like rain. Good for the earth. Good for sleep. Good for sex. We weren't getting any - and I wasn't getting any....I decided to provoke it with a rain dance - the best one in the world: I suggested a friend wash his bike. He did. It was pouring down in no time. I slept and had sex. Life was good.

But rain is like anonymity, a double-edged sword.

Rashes:
Life was less good for an intrepid expat who wanted to get some photos of a flooded market. Dirtier than Bangladesh and when the boots came off - angry rashes where his feet used to be. Anti-bio cream fixed it up...for a week, and then it returned with a vengeance. So...the doctors were right...wading through sewage isn't good for your skin.

But at Least He Gets the Shot:

Anonymous - yet - perennially blitzed photographer demands to know why he isn't getting cover shots. It must be some backroom double dealing that's keeping him off the front page. Something to do with filthy lucre, selling orphans, or an affinity for bad grammar, he insists during a drunken rant (or was he just tweaking?)

Short answer: No man,....it's the material. You got it or you don't and sending anonymous e-mails to the editor will only make sarcastic bastards like me write shit about you. Besides, there are other things to worry about....

The Flu:
Health hazards abound. Changes in my schedule (a complete 180), the weather (it's a bit cooler), and my diet (zero nutritional value for the last 30 years) allowed me to experience something new. I got the flu twice in a month. 2 very different strains. It's been running around town fucking people up left and right, so if you are planning a visit, keep it in mind. Med-heads say: You can try getting a shot (it may help) and load up on vitamin C. While the flu sucks ass (and not the good kind of ass), it's just not that big a deal...

RIP:
Lay-Lay, one of the well known troupe of VN sisters was killed in a motorbike accident over the weekend. Not sure who was at fault but it doesn't matter. A witness said it looked like she broke her neck. We can only hope it was quick and painless. She deserved better and will be missed.

Only the good go young.

That's why we are all still here.

And you can all stop complaining - I UPDATED MY FUCKING BLOG. (More soon)

When I grow up...

2007-10-03T07:00:00.000+07:00

Well Fuck Me Dead!

2007-09-27T14:14:00.000+07:00

I guess I need to do more typing while I am actually there in PNH than while away!

But it seems the "Fear Bats" keep my fingers from the keys!

They stay close by...waiting...swooping down and following me as I race away from them. Dodging into dirty knocking shops around town to hide out until the sky is clear. But rest assured they are still there...waiting!

Ever since they put in those con-fucking-crete road dividers I occasionally am caught out. Unable to divide the sections of town at will. Down they come at me from above and pull me down below. Sucked into the whirling vortex they create with the flap of the wings. The bastards are everywhere!

But they must be gnawing the fingers off the hands of all those adding to this blog as well! Have they got to you Bong?!

Beds, the Enemy

2007-09-05T21:32:00.000+07:00

Seems like more rain this year but what do I know? No clue why most tourists avoid the rainy season. When he talked about rainy days, Jimi Hendrix had it right. I like it a lot more since my landlord fixed the hole in the roof - it was directly over my bed. It was kind of a hassle moving the bed around when it rained....Speaking of moving beds...

Sweeps Week:
Those of you visiting Cyrcee, Sophies, or other such venues will find they've gone BYOB.

Bring Your Own Bed.

Word: The Power That Is has sent down a 6 page smackdown aimed at clearing up business ahead of an NGO-initiated sweep. No one needs to close shop - but the beds need to go. Will this include the Q-Bar? I FUCKING HOPE SO. I also hope I haven't seen the last of my favorite sofa.

Will all this redecorating extend to places catering to Asians? Doubt it. Western embassies foot the bills for this crap. There just isn't any money in busting Asians since their NGOs and embassies know better than to mess with the after-office / pre-wife shag scene. But their cultures are ancient and wise. They have better shit to do with their taxpayers money - like buying off land management officials.

Stay tuned to see how the shakedown shapes up.

Local Sports:
Shooting the shit and digging the Rugby World Cup. Australia slaughters Japan 91-3. Not the only slaughter on people's minds this weekend. Folks at the Gym Bar got to see locals put on their own sporting exhibition:

A mid-day, middle of a crowded street, full-on, very public HIT.

12-15 shots = free ventilation for a dude in a Mercedes with RCAF plates - somehow he made it out of the car and ran into a nearby pagoda looking for sanctuary. He didn't get it.

Something in the air?:
Later that night a recent arrival chilling on his balcony near the French Cultural Center got to see an old school traffic stop. Yeah - a mess of cops with AKs on full auto is a pretty effective tool when you're looking to get errant drivers off the road...and into an urn. Whatever,...they had their reasons.

Crime?:
Not sure if crime is really on the rise or it's just the usual shit. I got to see the aftermath of a shoot and grab moto theft and the ensuing (and massive) police response on St. 63 tonight. Serious looking and heavily armed - they were stopping EVERYONE. And it was nice to see: "New Camry with no plates? Sorry junior, tonight you pull it on over and shut the fuck up while we check you out."

Maybe things are getting better.

Review: The Barge

2007-08-12T17:37:00.000+07:00

Good theme for the party. Good crowd. Good scene in general and had fun, for awhile. Just a bit of constructive criticism: When hoards of people are leaning over the bar begging to give you their cash, by all means take it. And give them a drink. Mad Max waited 15 minutes at the bar for a can of beer, and I left after 10 minutes trying to get the attention of the numerous but preoccupied bar staff. I found wetter surroundings down the street at CU7. Prep work is fine, but prep means prior, not during. Instead of 5 guys behind the bar, each with his head down cutting up lemons or shuffling papers, take a drink order. First and foremost, you're in the alcohol dispensing business, or at least should be when thirsty people are dying to give you their money. Hopefully its just a phase that will get sorted out, be a shame for a place with so much potential to flop over something so simple.

Martini the previous night was memorable. A crowd of backpackers claimed squatting rights in the center of the dance floor. Literally. They were about to roll out their bedrolls and start singing koom-bye-ah when DJ Brett raised the bar a notch and they got to their unwashed feet.

Twenty four yr old dutch girl at Howies making a spectacle of herself. Basically offering herself to anyone in the bar who would take notice. Didn't take her long. Looking a little sheepish the next night at walkabout though.

It's Saturday Night

2007-08-05T14:12:00.000+07:00

Shark was looking good. Homeboys GF cuddling up to some dude, but realized the bros were watching. Conveniently moved to the otherside of the bar where she didnt have to see us watch her. Dude move her out and stop giving her cash. She has enough on her own and if not for your sake... for ours!

9 ball comp in progress as this goes up. Should be a good one with 100 bucks in prize money and BBQ to follow.

Shanghai a little picked out, especially the gf's that should be working. Good crowd, and some stunners still about, but only one beer before heading to M.

New DJ at M. Good job. No idle shit, No House, No boring shit, just a constant beat that kept the dance floor active all night long. Shit that the dancers on the dance floor enjoy and not what the DJ thinks they should be dancing to.

Shit load of Indians doing the Fag Dance at one point. Its just wrong.
The girls ignore them and they didnt hang out too long.

Srey False Advertising showing some great moves up on stage. Like I said Srey False Advertising.

Europe, Earl, call it what you want but

2007-07-21T16:11:00.000+07:00

DONT DO IT AT THE BAR AT SHARKYS! At least have the decency to put a meal in you before you consume more alcohol than you can handle.

Dude just blew chunks all over the bar and floor clearing out a 2 meter area around him though the smell cleared out a wider area. Could have been curry. Obviously not enough to absorb.

If you are this guy, remember next time to make an effort to get to the SHITTER, again SHITTER. NOT the URINAL, NOT the SINK!

HATS OFF TO SHARKY GIRLS WHO HAD TO DEAL WITH IT.

More Bull Shit ! ! !

2007-07-21T06:48:00.001+07:00

PAMPLONA, SPAIN—Following a series of brutal attacks, Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Zapatero pledged Monday that he "will not rest until Spain is free of rampaging bulls."

Zapatero introduces his agenda in the fight against Spain's vicious enemy (below)

"Bulls are ruthless animals that run our young men down in the streets without regard for guilt or innocence," Zapatero said. "Doggedly pursuing their agenda of destruction, they are deaf to pleas for mercy, and they care nothing about the suffering they cause as they rout and trample novillero, picador, and matador alike."
Zapatero said the government has no estimate of the number of bulls currently living in Spain, due to the animals' stealthy nature.
"The beasts hide in the nation's pastures, quietly ruminating over their vicious agendas," Zapatero said. "They often lie dormant for years, posing as innocent calves until they expose themselves as the brutes they are. Then, they attack in arenas, when the crowds are at their maximum capacity, in order to incite fear and shock among the citizenry."

Spain Vows Eternal Vigilance In War On Bulls
"We can no longer sit and watch as the bulls gore our brave young men to death," Zapatero added. "To those who say this problem is too widespread for the Spanish government to tackle, I say 'Toro!'"
Zapatero has established a cabinet-level Department of Bovine Security and a color-coded system that will alert the general public to the likelihood of an animal rampage. A green flag waved by the president indicates a low risk of bull attack. Magenta and gold capes, when worn by footmen, peones, or capeadores, indicate an elevated threat level. A colorful ring of banderilla around the bull's neck indicates a high threat level. In the case of a severe threat, a red flag is waved, and a bull attack is imminent.
"We can't afford to lose the war on bulls," Zapatero said. "When bulls unleash their brand of chaos, they leave massive destruction in their paths, as the tragic events of July 7 in Pamplona have proven time and again for the last 400 years."
Some Spanish citizens allege that the government's efforts to stop bull attacks are creating anti-bovine sentiment among the citizenry, and several watchdog organizations have been created to protect the rights of cows.
"Violent bulls represent a small minority of all ruminants," Bovine Rights Now representative Adora Moreno said. "Most cows are docile herbivores with no desire to harm a living soul. They are productive members of society, providing us with milk, meat, and leather goods. They should be granted the same dignity we afford other species."
Zapatero said that, while some citizens expressed displeasure with the additional security checkpoints in public and private pastures across the nation, the precautions are "an unfortunate necessity in these troubled times."

Bulls terrorize citizens in the streets of Pamplona.
The Spanish government has earmarked funds for 10,000 new matadors, as well as gates, pink stockings, and embroidered jackets.
"Our matadors wish to ensure the safety of the Spanish people and tourists alike," Zapatero said. "These bulls may gracefully dodge the swords and spears of justice, but our men will not back down. They shall engage the bulls with intricate goading, ritualized mockery, and the hypnotic waving of streamers. They will not stop posing in their sequined suits until every bull is removed from the arena, and every torero is free from fear of tossing, trampling, and goring."
Added Zapatero: "We are men. Under no condition will we accede to the whims of the bull."
Military officials have been careful to state that it could take years or even decades to eradicate the menace of the bulls. They plan to enlist the help of other nations in the fight, by recruiting bullfighting specialists from Mexico and Argentina.
"This will be a long, hard war, but we will win, through vigilance and determination," Spanish Defense Minister Jose Bono said. "We will arm ourselves with the banderilla of readiness and muleta of vigilance. There will be no mercy for the bull. We will find them wherever they hide, and we will round them up and contain them in pens. Viva toreros and viva España!"

Hi [Mom and/or Dad]

2007-07-20T02:41:00.000+07:00

Hi [insert personal prefix], sorry i missed your call but had to hawk the phone. Don't worry, I got him right where I want him even if i have to die to get him there. Thanks again for the antihistamines. They really did the trick! Hope the new addition to the mezzanine's going well. If y'all need, there's a lot of cheap labour over here (#9 *smirk* ;-)=

Have looked everywhere but only came up with a bit extra, the rest I suspect is safely stashed away in property overseas or asian/latin emerging markets. Anyway, don't worry, all is going okay, just a bit behind schedule. Been chained to the toilet for the past couple days.

Say, how's brother Chhtrung doing anyway? It's been a bit of a bitch here lately but it's all worth it as long as he finally gets that fellowship at John's Hopkins. You shoulda seen this fat Pattaya fuck the other night. The fat bastard had to lift his goddamn belly to pee on me! You'd think these guys heard of a few situps, or maybe a little yogourt? Anyway, sorry about the potty mouth [insert personal prefix], kinda tends to rub off over here.

Anyway, enough about me. How's that 63 inch PPM63H3 Samsung doing? Apparently was top of the line over there according to the Korean english teacher dude. Looking forward to finally seeing it this coming new year years in April! (I'm still invited, right?)

Anyway, gotta run, this one's apparently big in glue or some shit like that.

Kisses!

Your Loving Daughter, [your name here]

translation provided by phillipe! translation services inc. ©2007 all rights reserved

Where the White Women At?

2007-07-13T21:56:00.000+07:00

TGI - mutherfuk'n - F. Not a moment too soon. I'm off for a mellow night on the town. Out? Consider:

Teukei Bar:
French-owned and cool place to hang out - not mutually exclusive. (Just seems that way sometimes.) Newly installed manager Phillipe is out to prove my point. He recently returned from some time in South America, Now he's back and has taken over management of the Teukei Bar on 23b street near the Capital Guesthouse. Party Tionight:

10pm - Late they're having an "opening" party. Look for "Vinyl Mixed by DJ Rupert." $1.50 Caipirinhas. (Not sure what that is but - it'll only cost you $1.50 to find out.)

Do It All Bar:
In the mood to get down with a different crowd? They are open tonight. Better take advantage since they aren't open very often. Do the hefty backpacker chicks at the lake know about this? They will after I hit the Lonely Planet Thorn Tree. Imagine. A place where fat, sweaty backpacker chicks done up in Khao San Rd braids can find the man(dingo) of their dreams... I like it when everyone's happy.

It's who I am.

More soon.....

Living in Cambodia...Karma & Fate...hold that thought...

2007-07-13T12:51:00.000+07:00

This is not how my post originally was supposed to come out. It had deep meaning full thoughts and prose. To stimulate contemplation of Cambodian life and how the reader fits into it. But suddenly without warning just the topics of discussion which I drew upon to inspire those thoughts jumped me from the dark...literally!

I just finished typing out a long detailed post about living in Cambodia, snow, sledding, karma ,and fate. About to swing the cursor over the publish post button and left click the mouse and fate kicks me in the fucking teeth! The power supply on this pitching and rolling place I call

"Absolutely No Place At All That Even Fucking Resembles Home!!!"

goes out and I lose over an hour plus worth of writing and deep concentrated thought...in an instant. I only concentrate harder while sitting on the can trying to push one through the hoop!

So I am left with just a shitty excuse for a potentially decent post. When you have a good thought to share and start rolling it sucks to get knee capped. Okay maybe that is a bit dramatic but even on a small scale forces can conspire against you. Fate was watching and karma must have gave the go signal to flip off the breaker.

"Fuck you
both!!! Karma...Fate...you may get me in the end but I will get mine
first...Ha!"

The Innovator

2007-07-11T03:03:00.000+07:00

Not to go off on another rant about some funny bar story, but that's where most of them seem to come from and its what I do best. This one comes from a popular cool place in Area 51 we all know and love but for some people, occasionally need to detest. Semi-regular guy and his birthday celebrating chum go in for a beverage. Being the kind of guy he is asks the outside door dudes and an independent motodop at the scene, if they would like a beer too. Eight beers later (i'm thinking about 9 minutes) he asks for the git and gets it... up the culo. $20. Owner explains: since they work at the bar, the outside dudes (and apparently the moto too) were drinking at lady drink prices. So, another Cambodia first, we now have lady drinks for the gents too. Innovation's a bit like daddy's pistol, best kept safely locked away and out of junior's hands. Area 51 bar: apparently still exasperating its loyal clientele one customer at a time.

Standing room only at the Freebird 4th of July party. Both of them. Great free chow, many free drinks, great spinning by DJ Big Daddy, and the usual entertaining crowd. A bit like explosives. Consistently fun but can be dangerous. Thought about the embassy party for a bit but I get self conscious having my retina's scanned and every word I utter getting bounced off a satellite down to some bunker in Quantico, VA.

Good night at Shanghai. Some guy won the draft draw and spread the wealth among the girls and customers. Classy move. Hours later some of it even made it to me. Seemed to drink most of the night and the git came to a wopping $2.50. Taco Shack takeout arrived and was greeted with enthusiasm. Welcome back Taco Shack, you were missed.

Was invited to be camera fodder for a local publication's cover shots. Was hungover but made it through the shoot without shouting "Europe" into the toilet. Seem to recall quite a few very attractive ladies laughing at some overcooked ham in front of the camera trying to stuff a whole burger into his mouth.

Would write more but a show about women in prison just came on. What is it about women in cages anyway?

Lightning Strikes and A Neighborhood in Dismay

2007-07-10T22:28:00.000+07:00

Put in a new poll, but it may not last long. Have a feeling "Hell will freeze over" is to be the overwhelming winner.
California 2 Guesthouse:
Good place to spend rainy season. Chill by the river, down cheap vodkas, pray for scooter douches to crash into each other, and watch storms blow past. Someone directly across the river seems to have pissed off the gods since angry bolts of lightening seem to slam into that particular area all the time. Good show. Lightening that stretches from cloud to ground is pretty fucking cool - as long as they don't strike anywhere near you. But it's not all about the weather:

The FlyingFinn - Cool dude with a new name. The Finn Who Couldn't Fly - A week before heading back to the land of reindeer, cell phones, and kick-ass vodka, he falls HARD and smashes in the back of his head. Traded a couple pints of blood for a nasty bump and stitches. Fast forward one week - he's back on the town. History repeats. In the name of symmetry, he does his face. Reports: a broken nose, more stitches, and more lost blood. Somehow he made his AM flight and did the 20+ hrs (?) back to Helsinki - both ends of his head bashed in. Everyone wishing for a speedy recovery. We must all remember - No snow here to cushion your fall. Everyone digging the 120 proof ass-pocket bottles of Finnish hooch he dispensed before leaving. 60% alcohol in a plastic bottle. Cool.
Complaints about the Pavillion Hotel. Never even seen the place but the 411: Loves gays. Hates kids. Won't allow mixed-race couples - even married ones have been asked to leave. A hotel too big for its butt plug? Well, on behalf of the masses:

FUCK YOU PAVILLION HOTEL (I spit on you 10 thousand times...)

Long-time Ozzpat vying with DonBong to see who can have the longest hair and lose the most cell phones. Well....GAME ON my friend. (But I may be in over my head here....)
Vientiane. More money, better working conditions, a great relocation package....but the bars close around 11. No deal.

My Lien Bar:
Moved again. Moved out of NGO-land to the middle of nowhere. Somehow it didn't work out. Thankfully, she's back and in stumbling range of Walkabout. Looking to develop a late night scene. The new place: Cute staff ($5 bar fines), long bar-top, pool table... Plans for A/C, dart board, and a new sound system. Looking to get some freelance traffic in there as well. Smoke friendly, honest drinks, and My Lien. She's pretty darn cool and deserves to do well.

Bar 104:
Fish tanks bore me. I'm not married, don't buy girls CRVs, or have an EU stipend, so what the fuck else am I going to do on Street 104. And besides - the owners know what works. Stocked with lookers, good tunes, nice line of single malts, and even absinthe and proper rolling papers ($1). I think they even sell phone cards but can't recall (...I was kind of fucked-up last time I was in there.)

Do It All Bar:
The heart of Africa comes to a shop house near 63 and Sihanouk. Or did it? Seems to be closed more often than it's open. Opening night: best part was watching the neighborhood Khmers
gawk in dismay while 30+ brothers chilled out in an open, unfurnished shop house, dancing, shooting the shit, and getting wasted on cans of beer straight from a cooler.

The place closed. A week later - reopened with a proper enclosed glass front, some nice bar lighting on the inside and a Khmer parking attendant out front. I checked the scene - more people chilling outside than actually in the bar. Dudes seemed content to buy cheaper cans of beer from the mini-mart across the street and slam them out front than actually go inside and buy a drink. Not a formula that works for the neighbors. Been closed this past week. I have a feeling the 'hood will be coming up with "zoning" conflicts 'til then end of their lease:

Municipal Code AF.2007 Sub Sect C:

No African bar shall be allowed to operate within 100 ft of any school, temple, hospital, brothel, stolen phone fence, or video-crack center...

I commiserate. Heroine smuggling blood diamond dealers need a place to call their own, but it's universal, man. You Can't Fight City Hall.

So then, until I can remember the other shit that's happened...Stay Strong

Poll Results: Who Gets It?

2007-07-09T01:46:00.000+07:00

I have to get this poll off the blog before I get anymore death wishes. So far more people want me done than some asshole in a Che Guevara t-shirt. (Fuckers....) So, here's the final tally.

The Confidential Poll

One round in the clip. Who gets it?

Answers		Votes	Percent
1.	Dude with Mao hat and krama	23	25%
2.	Dude in Che Guevara T-Shirt	18	19%
3.	Dude with open shirt and mullet	25	27%
4.	None of the above (I'm non-violent)	4	4%
5.	None of the above ( My aim is shit)	4	4%
6.	Don Bong	19	20%

Good Times and Crossdressing Enemies of Freedom

2007-07-08T22:03:00.000+07:00

Running out of smoke the day you decide to stop drinking sucks. So does getting your head stepped on by some asshole in a dress.

Sharky Bar:
A great time. The Curtis King Band rocked the house for the annual 4th of July Party. Hear they laid it down right. Zunk helped out on the vocals and Happy Man broke out the Afro wig and got his groove on. Happy gets down. I should go to his bar (Happy Man Bar) more often. Jack Daniels promotion night going on. Jack is good. Jack is right for the 4th of July - and Kurtis King puts on a kick-ass show - strong music and stage presence....But the dude in the Vietnam t-shirt...

Like everyone else that night, the dudes from the promo company were partying hard and celebrating the freedom to get wasted and lay your head down on the bar - and remain unmolested. Not too much to expect. Unless your an Aoi Dai-wearing fairy. The band's vocalist, Simon, may be the enfante terrible of the Saigon expat crowd - and I'm sure he'd be a hit at the Elselwhere 1st Friday party - and the Salt Lounge glory hole - but what the fuck made him think it was a good idea to put his foot on a passed-out Khmer kid's head in front of his co-workers and boss? Khmer's put up with a lot of bad behavior but going out your way to make them lose face is pure dumb-ass. It'd piss me off and I don't have all that cultural baggage about feet and the head.

It sent his boss and the dudes from the promo company into a frenzy and had them in a loud and complaining mood all night. They bitched, moaned, and threatened to anyone who'd listen - and - yeah - that's what happens when you step on a Khmer kid's head in front of a bunch of people for no good reason. Harsh criticism? His antics create ill-will that others need to live with.

July 4th (7th) at the US Embassy:
About what everyone expected. A $3-$4 ticket, background check, and pat-down at the door got you into a business-type function where everyone wanted to be on their best behavior. Decent (safe and inoffensive) music. An embarrassing song/dance review told the"Story of America." A hot dog eating contest. Fireworks and a $7 t-shirts to commemorate the event. Cool to see people playing "Dunk the Ambassador." Nice for Khmers to see the High and Mighty having some fun - can you imagine some "Excellency" being dunked in the name of fun and charity. His bodyguards would blow the shit out of you before you launched the 1st baseball.

Vendors made out nicely. Sharky sold out of everything including the roasted pig. The whole pig - and when the meat was gone someone came and bought the head. Tongue sold separately.

Hope you are all celebrating freedom and the pursuit of happiness. I'll try and post more often but hey - it's "...summertime...and the livin' is easy...."

Which of the following types of nonprofit work have you supported in the past 12 months? (Check all that apply)
	Children's Causes
	Cultural & The Arts
	Educational
	Environmental & Wildlife
	Health & Medical
	Humanitarian
	International Aid
	Natural Disasters Relief
	Pets
	Religious
	Veterans and Military
	Wildlife
	Other
	None of the Above