Anybody Still Here?

From today's Cambodia Daily...

Jewelry theft, home burgleries, traffic accidents and house fires typically increase, as people leave home to pay their religious respects and visit relatives.

Hmmm. So is it the religious values or the visiting of relatives responsible for the snatch-fest? Just a simple question.

Priceless?

Gas for the bike: 4900R/liter

Asahi/Anchor: $15-$16/case

Rice: $40/50kg (up from $25 last month)

Cooking gas: $27-$35/15kg (up from $18 last month)

Living in Cambodia: PRICEY!!!

For everything else, there's:

What the hell is going on?!?!

Sure, property prices are way up but the local rice farmer is not buying property.

A local restaurateur says that the beer distributors have not increased their prices but try getting an $11 case of Anchor in Phnom Penh – they still were available in Sihanoukville as of a couple of weeks ago.

Today’s Daily, said that “gas importers…expressed surprise that retail prices had reached such heights given the prices they were charging distributors.”

By the way, in the same article a spokesman for Total said that they just recently raised their price from $18 to $21. So if you need cooking gas, it appears that Total is the place to go (or at least it was before the article was published).

Also in today’s Daily, HS claimed that Cambodia has a rice surplus and blamed anti-government elements for economic sabotage (not blaming the barang this time?). He also denied that he was planning to set rice prices at 5000R/kg (I had previously heard 4000R and that he was aiming for $2 a liter gas).

So who’s making all of the money here? And how the hell is Joe Khmer going to survive? Oh yeah, simply steal a few more motorbikes (Did you see last week that Infinity Insurance had to issue a public apology for running an advert saying that 40 bikes are stolen each day in PP? The PP Police Chief came out and said that only 3 motos were stolen in February, and that’s down from the 10 stolen in January! Amazing what comes out of the mouths of babes!).

Soon enough I might have to shut my piehole to those of you that I have been accusing of paying too much for your furpie…yesterday’s price might be tomorrow's bargain!

Monday Night's Alright for Fighting

Happy St Patty's Day!

All things considered it was an entertaining if not traditional night out with Power Ranger and Cockarot Dundee. Since Rory's, Wooley Rhino and their ilk were packed with dick swinging revelers, alot of the girlie haunts were mostly Y chromosome free. Acid Jazz at Hooters (Pussycat Bar) started off the evening and made it hard to leave the music was so good.

Where is it written that every bar has to spin the same tedious mix of threadbare hip-hop at voice coil busting volume? Nice call gals, I'll be back. Or perhaps I should say nice choice.

While discussing where Dundee should tie his kangaroo down and boil his billy, he had the great idea of strapping on the feed bag over at P-Cat's sister establishment, Rose Bar. A succulent steak and equally mouth watering eye candy provided a lusty repast. Once again, we were rewarded with great music at conversational volume. Great food, good tunes, fantastic view... what's not to like?

An interesting little bar further down the street is "Bunny Bar" characterized by the playboy graphics gracing the walls. Lacking aircon or good lighting it has kind of a open garage bar feel without scores of dudes vying for all the female attention. There's a laptop with a wonky version of Windoze Media Player, a few swapped around keys (QWERTY is QWERTZ), and a nearly useless mouse that will test your Buddhist tolerance. While queuing up a playlist an errant poltergeist in the machine wiped out my carefully chosen selections.... 4 times. Still, everything considered not a bad little place.

Recalling good reco's from DonBong, the godfather himself, a unanimous decision was reached to swing by the big M to see what's changed. Arriving on fumes I filled up on the corner to the tune of $19!! Once inside I was pleased to see not much has changed at all. Plenty of scenery, african playaz frightening the local girls, Pattaya garbagemen, and best of all the same god-fearing drink prices and quantities. (At $2 for a very stiff cocktail, the big M along with Cali 2 remains #1 in value IMHO)

We were enjoying the show on the dance floor when a few words were exchanged between a couple westerners. They went their seperate ways for a few minutes before getting reacquainted, this time with fists flying. After a pile of mixed gender humanity collapsed to the floor, Dundee and Ubercon thought it might be the Christian thing to do if we pulled a few innocent girls from the scrum. I grabbed a slender brown arm sticking out of the mess and started pulling until she was on her feet. As soon as she was freed from the flying limbs she dived back in for more. Sorry honey, I forgot about that Khmer penchant for pugalism. Security arrived and a follicly challenged gentleman was escorted off the premises.

Maybe he should pal up with FatCat, sounds like he's been on a tear lately too....

Just More Rambling

GOING, GOING…

Soon to be gone!

Been to Sihanoukville lately? If you liked it as it was, you’d better get down there quickly!
Sokha beach was privatized years ago, and part of Victory beach was taken away not too long ago. And Hawaii beach was also slotted for development long ago and that is now proceeding.


Now Independence beach is completely fenced off ala the riverfront in Phnom Penh, and so is the end of Ochheuteal beach where the fishing village used to be. That was bulldozed a couple of weeks ago by a Cambodian-American lawyer who is also an assistant to a Senate and local political party President. According to the Daily, the lawyer said, “’Municipal governor of Sihanoukville Say Hak said I had no permission, it’s true,’” and he went on to explain that “he needed to bulldoze the houses first so as to know the size of ‘the exact area before obtaining permission’” to bulldoze!

Ahhh, perfect logic in this country!

And the shop owners on Otres got a reprieve after being given a week to vacate their premises. The initial eviction order was overturned after a protest in Phnom Penh, but they are to be “inspected” again in April. Any bets as to pass/fail on this one?

So that leaves part of Ochheuteal – the old golf course is now taken over by Sokha where they

plan to put up another resort with private beach – and Serendipity. How long do you think these will last as they are? In August of 2007, the PP Post reported the following:

Cambodia’s most popular seaside area with foreign and domestic tourists, Ochheuteal Beach, will be completely overhauled and redesigned beginning in 2008, top municipal and tourism officials said on August 3.

Judging by renderings obtained by the Post, the new Ochheuteal area is one of sidewalks, car parks and concrete palm-lined promenades – a far cry from the laid-back, populist playground that exists today.

And finally, the airport expansion and upgrade has been given the go-ahead and it is slated to be the largest airport in Cambodia. And all along, we were worried about the Pattaya Trash!

GONE

You PPTV subscribers no longer need be so jealous of us CCTV subscribers. Sometime over the last couple of days we lost our HBO and Cinemax, which have replaced with the Hallmark Channel and TrueSport 3. Just what we needed - another 24-hour soccer channel.

FALSE ALARM. Our beloved "premium" channels have reappeared and we are no longer subjected to Hallmark and TS3. What was that all about?



STACKED

Pronunciation: \stakt\
Function: adjective
of a woman : having large breasts

Sorry kids…not referring to THAT definition. Let’s try again:

Function: verb
transitive verb
1 b: to pile in or on

Now that we know what it means, let’s see what it looks like:




We’ll at least according to Flavour’s in Phnom Penh. A couple of torn up slices of ham with one on the top does not quite “stack” up to Khmerican’s definition of stacked, but for $4.25, what does one expect? (A hell of a lot more!!!).


WHO’S AFRAID OF THE EXPAT?

Seems that your average stiu no longer is.

Been a tough couple of weeks for some of Cambodia’s expat population.

Two weeks ago, at about midnight on a Tuesday night, the PG PowerRanger was heading along Monivong from the big M to WA, with his little tart in tow. He heard a distinct smack from the back of the bike and turned to see several motos with two-astride Khmer boys there. It seems that they had swatted his girl’s arse. When he looked forward, there were another couple of bikes along side of him forcing him off of the road. Afetr a bit of a chase, he finally make his way to the front of WA and the pricks pull right up with him. One yama-head goes off insisting that the PGPR had hit his bike, although there was no sign of any damage. He makes a couple of weak attempts at getting violent, even after the PGPR is joined by a few of PP’s bigger expats. After a lot of lifting of phones to the ear with the “I’m going to call my guy” threat, the expats walk inside and the stius take off. But a little concerned that these pricks would be so brazen.

Then a few nights later, the PG Gynecologist had his locked 250cc, which was parked directly in front of his humble abode door, stolen from behind a locked gate. Granted there was a small walk-though portion of the gate that was not locked – but was very difficult to fit this size of a bike through – and it was between midnight and 2:00a.m. on a Friday night, but it still happened in a usually secure area with a bike that is almost never parked outside.

Straps were tied through the padlock holes of his door and the neighbor’s door in case they were awakened and attempted to get out and apprehend the f@ckers.

Inquiries to the dozen+ moto-dops parked outside got no responses, even with a $150 payout to anyone who could tell of the whereabouts of the bike. And a trip to the police station around the corner got one copper up, but the other said to come back the next day. Thanks guys.

By the way, Khmers have said that the way to deal with a situation like this in the future is to go to the local police and tell them that you will pay half of the bike’s value for its return…but this must be done soon after the loss as the bike is shipped out of town shortly after the theft.

Last week saw two other barangs roughed up in attempts to steal their rented motos in Snookey. Neither targets are small men, but CD is actually a large individual that you might think local punks would avoid. Apparently they were armed with sticks and other weapons and got a few licks in before getting away with the moto.

The other brave new target was able to fend off his attackers, and it is said that the police had to get him off of one of the guys that he was beating on. No bike loss for this chap.

Finally, not Khmer related, our own local Dick Weber responded to a knock on his door on Thursday night by receiving a knock on his noggin. Seems another expat was looking for someone else and head-butted then attacked Weber. Word is that the attacker was packing a couple of blades, although they were never used. Police eventually showed up and perp was hauled off to the Monkey House, were he is rumored to remain at this time. Further rumor says that perp and victim were later locked in a room together – you know, let’s just see what happens if – and perp profusely apologized to Weber. Last rumor is the perp was well perked up on something.

The more things change in Cambodia, the more they remain the same.

Oh shit, almost forgot the best of the rest. Don’t recall which day it was but the Fat Cat got himself 86-d and banned from Walkabout. Not an easy task, but he was up to it. Apparently thrown out a few times, he still wanted to have a go of it with the security guard before Drama Queen stepped in and saved his hide. (Why didn’t you leave him alone boy?)

The Connoisseur then proceeded to drive down to CA2 where, after weebling and wobbling and moaning and groaning for a bit, he sat down and polished off a “mates” curry. Then spent the next few moments spitting part of it back up before sprawling himself out across the sofa. CA2J had to come out and nearly dump him on to the ground before he perched himself upright again. By this time, a tough-gutted Aussie and Brit had already departed due to this nasty sight, and oddly enough the Drunken Mechanic and the Finnish Frankenstein became the voices of reason in trying to get the bloke to shape up. Eventually, he was enough to even run them off.

Word was he later made his way to a brave new world…wonder how he’d like it if aome of us Barged in on his place with this kind of f%cked up attitude.

Rumor also is that he got a brave new ass kicking a few weeks before for similar actions.

And I thought his problem was with all us Yanks and us just not understanding the British sense of humor.


DA BEACH


Did just get back from another nice holiday in Sihanoukville. As I have said, things are a changing down there.

Construction is going on at the burned down market and most vendors appear to have moved to the newer market behind there.

The guy next to me on the beach claimed to have had his camera stolen on Sunday so nice to know that the jows are still hard at work there.

Snake Pit had one hot dancer and several could-not-be-bothered-to-do-anthing-other-than-get-you-your-drink girls hanging out. The beer bar complex sure looks nice but not too much going on there. Pacino’s, back in the back does have 6 or 7 chickies in there, and even a couple that the Khmerican would not have minded having a little roll with, if it weren’t for the V-girl by my side and the $10 bar fine.

Freedom still has it’s assortment of girls, some looking rather haggard, but again, a couple that this boy wouldn’t have kicked out too quickly.

Reports are of not much quality at Outback, but steady and reliable service up on the mountain.

A ride by the Frog bars on the Hill seemed a bit busy, but I have never cared much for the scene there.

Finally, biggest disappointment of the trip was the much-anticipated, always-loved, Corner Bar pizza. Price was up a bit – no problem as it’s always been a bargain – but the quality of the one pizza that I had had gone way down. I used to love the pizza for the loads of cheese that was on it, but this time it was no different from any unhappy pizza from any of the happy pizza – short on the cheese and a thin and crisp crust. Bad enough that I did not return for another go, as I usually do, so maybe it was a one-off.

But I DID have a delicious Pizza Company pizza last night. I know, I know…but I did not order it. V-girl wanted it and I made her do the calling. But damn it was good!

ONE OF THE BEST

You've seen them. The f*cked up instructions on various items written by Asians that just don't make any sense.

We'll, I think that I have found my favorite. I was sitting down enjoying my dinner the other day when I happened to take notice of a hot water heater that we have had for about a year.

Not sure why it didn't catch my eye before, but it does at just about every meal now.

Have a better one?

Not Really Worth The Wait

KRUSTY THE CLOWN

Know him? Well, the Khmer version seems to be an organization, not a person.

What’s up with The Pizza Company???

The last several times that I have ordered from them, I have been informed that the Pan crust is not available – only the Crisp crust. OK on occasion, but part of the reason that I have considered this the best pizza in Cambodia is the crust.

A couple of weeks ago, the whole crust crap came to a head. My menu shows two types of crusts – Pan and Crisp. So when I placed the order for my pizza and the monkey asks what type of crust would like, I am excited! They must have Pan crust! I then tell him Pan crust and he tells me, “Sorry sir, Pan crust finished".

I want to get a bit of pleasure out of this whole thing and I ask him what kind of crust I can have. “Crisp crust OK Sir?” I ask him what my options are and he does not understand. I tell him that if there is no Pan crust then I can only have Crisp crust. “Sorry sir, no have Pan crust,” and it all begins over again (guess he wanted to have some fun as well).

Finally I tell him that I’ll take the Crisp crust. Long pause and, “Sorry sir, no have Crisp crust.” WTF??? So I ask him if what I am hearing is that I can order a pizza as long as I do not want the crust. No answer – he does not understand. I try to tell him that since they have no Pan crust and no Crisp crust, I can only have pizza without crust. He then starts the whole thing over again explaining to me that they no have Pan or Crisp crust.

Stop it already!!!!

I will NEVER order pizza from The Pizza Company again! Only Pizza World and Chez Dim - if you have not already, give them a shot.

On the subject of great pizzas, I certainly hope that nothing changes if and when CornerBar Mark unloads the Corner Bar and his pies. Always makes that ride down that much better knowing that you'll be treated to one of those delights.

IT'S ALL ABOUT MAKING FRIENDS

If you’re a nappy-headed, pony-tailed, dick-smokin, wirey Brit with something up your ass, don’t start bitchin to the Khmerican and PNik (also a Brit) at the BigM about your American boss, who happens to be a friend of the two, then insist that PNik is Broken Dave (the only similarity there is that they are both rather vertically challenged), then wander off to YourLien where PNik is enjoying the rest of the evening with SAndy and DonBong, and start spouting off about what shite Yanks are and just as much so, the Brits that hang with them, because you’re gonna get your ass kicked…BY THE BRIT…TWICE!!!

You twat!

All that’s left for us to do is relay your remarks to your always-too-happy-to-kick-some-ass, oversized boss and you’ll be out of a job and the rest of your hair and teeth.

HOLIDAY REVISITED

(Twenty-five official holidays this year in Cambodia, so those of you that get paid for them - enjoy!)

Yeah, we're long beyond them but some kudos need to go out.

Anyway, Fat Boy and Taco were quite busy. Thanksgiving dinner, Christmas boat cruise dinner, and Christmas eve dinner. Just how many Turkeys this country handle?

Well, an excellent job done each time and an extra credit goes to Taco for ensuring that the boys working at CA2 didn’t miss out.

The Christmas boat cruise was a great time – thank you Adam and other sponsors – with several revelers not ready to get off of the boat after a 5+ hour tour. Usually 3 hours is more than enough. Khmerican rarely partakes of the herb, but he chose to this time. He knew it had done its job when he was looking at the local families fishing from their boats/huts on the river and thought that really is the way that life was supposed to be lived – maybe that’s the real reason that he is in Cambodia. Of course, a clearer(or not) mind prevailed the next day and I am still in the relative luxury of my secure flat.

Speaking of the fishing boats, I must say that I am quite disappointed in the arm of the KCKid as I believe that my Grandmother, who died at the age of 94 more than 7 years ago, has a better arm than he does. You really should be ashamed of yourself!

Not to say that big man AAAC’s arm was any better. For that big of a boy, I certainly hope he makes up for it elsewhere!

Still on the holidays, I did make it down to the coast for the new year. As usual, was not ready to return to PP, but just had to. It was a blast and makes me wonder why I ever bothered with Bokor when that was going off.

An absolute barrage of fireworks on Ocheteul from at least 9:30 on.

And speaking again of the beach, is it just horny old me or are the girls at the beach looking better? Upon first visit in 2000, EVERY chickie wore full gear into the water – jeans, shirt, iron-clad bra, etc. Now, there’s so many more shorts cruising around, not to mention the bathing suits.

Having a bite before heading back to PP, Khmerican was drooling over all of the little brown-eyed girls wandering around in their sexy attire. No mistaking the place for the Big P across the border, but I like the way things are going.

And Rosie is back after an almost fatal accident last year. She's no longer on the hill but is now in the Christmas Bungalows just down from Golden Lions circle towards the Golden Sands Hotel, I believe it is called.

If you haven't been there before, you'll get great portions of tasty food for a very nice price. And if you've got a V in tow with you, even better as she'll fix up some nice Viet food for her.

Welcome back Rosie!

Last thing about the holidays - Khmerican was thinking that he was a bit lucky this year as V-girl did not return to the Delta for Tet. Lucky because it saved him some money. But then again, it's usually the one time a year that the Khmerican can enjoy some freedom. So how lucky was I. What would you be willing to pay for a week of F-R-E-E-D-O-M???

unLUCKY

About a week ago I rolled by Lucky Market on Sihanouk to pay a special visit to the little Blue Spot. When I came down, the place was relatively empty (it WAS 7:30 a.m.) so I decided that now was a good time to sign up for the unLucky Membership Reward card. You see, although I despise these things, the little Viet that lives with me keeps telling me about all of the great things that we are missing out on. Spend $20 and you get something like a $2 voucher for Lucky Burger – wooh-hoo!

So I go to the counter and announce that I would like to sign up for a card.

“You have receipt, sir?”

“No, no have receipt.”

“Oooo, I’m sorry sir.”

“Do I need receipt?”

“Yes sir. I’m sorry sir.”

“But I just want to sign up for a card…fill out application.”

“Oooo, sorry sir. You need receipt”

“So there’s no way for me to sign up for a card without a receipt?”

Pause…"Sorry sir. Cannot.”

The Viet wants the card, she can go get it herself.

New Kid On the Chopping Block

There's a new addition to the nightime scene in the form of a young short and pudgy Khmer-Australian returnee. The angry cherub with a Napoleon complex has terrorized at least two expat bars in the past week. His escapades include intimidation, inflated claims, gross verbal insults towards the local girls, and outright threats towards anyone western or not who may interfere with his tantrums. He claims to be connected and travels with at least one bodyguard, who apparently followed him around tonites unlucky establishment apologizing for his behaviour.

So far, the western retort has been tolerance and submission, the way most of this country we love responds to dicks. But this little punk is about one more appearance away from a beating he's not had since grade school back in Oz.

If he's such a powerful guy it's a bit cryptic why he gets his squat little dumpling of a frame kicked out of every Khmer establishment he tries to pull his shit in. And to the western guy who introduced him to our few little bars away from all that privelaged bullshit... WTFuck dude? Next time take him to Manhattan ait?

Hey junior. In case you happen to come across this, listen carefully. Many places on most nights you will get away with it. But tonite you were about 2 guys away from getting your hair washed in the toilet bowl of a place where there's no way your babysitter can possibly take care of a bunch of foreigners in the middle of tourist season.

Careful out there son. For a kid who can't hold his liquor or his tongue, you're on quite a roll and inches away from sticking your finger up the wrong persons kulo. And unless I miss my guess it will probably be the real Khmer deal when you do.

NICE KIDS FROM HELL

Another in a string of nights at the big M and for the most part, it's been pretty good. Although nearly every night it seems a few Kao San Roadians decide to dance and end up claiming the entire floor sending the girls scuttling to safer harbour. Last night one of the teetotallers dropped his (empty) beer glass causing further disruption while it's cleaned up. Make a note kids, if you're going to send everyone running for cover, at least buy something. Or better yet, just go straight to Heart or Howies and leave the big M to us degenerates.

And to all you guys recently evicted from Thailand or your home countries, take note:

Wear a freaking shirt for god sake and keep it buttoned. What you have, nobody wants to see. (But Japanese whalers would LOVE to make your acquaintance)

If you wear a shirt, (especially a see through mesh with "Eminem" on the front) change it at least once a week, and ask your equally glum friend to button his up. You know who you are.

If you're over 30, bustin a move by your lonesome near the dance floor aint cool. If you're over 50, it's way not cool. Somehow if you're over 80 though, you'll rule, as long as you're wearing a shirt with sleeves and manage to not crack a hip.

BEER PRICES

For the second time in 3 months Shanghai increased the price of Asahi from $1.25 to $1:50. Thats a 50% increase in 3 months kids. Time to start investigating other options

Rose Bar's owner is opening up Pussycat Bar and Cafe on 136 street on the 16th of Feb featuring, get this, Filipina girls! Better start polishing up my english.